Self Portrait Tuesday

Ok thank you to Helen and Katia for not only supporting and nurturing this blogging, but giving me the idea for Self Portrait Tuesday!
http://selfportraittuesday.blogspot.com/
It encourages bloggers to put up a picuture every, well, Tuesday, and explain it as a way of documenting yourself. I took a lot of pictures, none of which I liked. It started in the morning, which was beautiful and bright out, but I kept squinting. Ouchy, time for the eye creams huh? I took this one in my office, right after I played my first scrabble game ever with a nine year old who was a very patient teacher. I didn't know all the rules, and I have a feeling he was very creative in his methods.What I do know is that "diss" is not a word! That much I do know.

Happy Fat Tuesday! And rock on New Orleans for being such a beautiful and resiliant city, who held their annual Fat Tuesday celebrations today despite all that they have been through. Rock on Indeed!

The Blustery Day

It rained so hard today I thought I was on the East Coast. I was so frikin wet, but I loved it. Got SOAKED on my way to Pilates but I had my gym clothes with me so I was a happy dry girl for a minute. Then the lights started flickering and doors slamming open and I thought oh shit what if I die at Club One. So not how I am going down, at a gym. Unt uh......

So I sent the link to this Blawg to more of my friends today. So far I've shared it with a small circle as I was mostly experimenting. But now that I have grown into it a bit and even become more intimate in my journaling, I am being cautious, but want peeps in my life to know me more so it feels good to let them in. I am exploring what I am really doing here. I journal tons on my own but this is a different type of document for me. Had a really good talk with Katia and Mie on Sunday about it, and she has been mixed about this as well. Fellow blogger Mie (http://kokochi.com/) has really been doing this from the start and works at a blogging company, and her and Dav (www.akuaku.org) are so hard core about blogging I love it! These ladies are part of my inspiration as I have felt so much closer to them even though we see eachother once in a while. I feel like I have a grasp of who they are and what they are doing, and look forward to reading whats new and where they have been. I have been really out of touch with a lot of peeps, most peeps, and that makes me sad. At the same time it is mostly of my own doing as I have been in winter mode, hate talking on the phone right now, and have little to no time for email. Just lame. So this is my attempt to share myself more, and also have my own voice become clearer as it's been a tad foggy lately. Thankfully I have Jess in my life for humor, to consistantly give me shit and remind me that I dissed blogging so much in the beginning, calling it self indulgent at it's best. So I can't take it that seriously. But shit. Here I am, again!!!!

Ok and lastly, I don't know that I want to be writing about boys on here much. But to follow up, I did hear back from the aforementioned man that I drunkenly emailed. Wrote him my "doh" email today sharing that I do not regret my non-soberish share, but I regret rather how I shared it, not being the drunken email type of girl that obviously I have become. He was kind and shared that he felt excited when he received it today, he as well enjoyed the level of our growing friendship, and looks forward to more. Ok~ lovely and vague. Feel good about the way he responded, he totally got it, but really not really at all~ maybe. Though I have to admit most of it the charge is mostly gone now that it's out there. Thats just so-me.

Doh, Blessingways, and Birthday Bru ha ha's

Ok~
see thats what happens with a little jack and coke and joints
Also weeks of fluttery anticipatory frustration
All to find out that there is something/one else
I am just in the place where I am feeling fearless with most things
Regret?
Some, mostly that I shared it over email and
I am not someone who only shares herself with a
'lil bit of help
mostly about pride also, saving face
I am the flower you are the bee
and all that bullshit
I am over beeing aloof with men
Especially when you feel strongly connected to someone
I knew with him it would be a slow boil- I just drunkenly turned up the heat too high
at the very least I am sure he is "flattered" (yukka)
And if he doesn't feel it back then he isn't my bee
More honey for me
So for those of you who are wondering, no, I haven't heard from him
And I suppose I really don't expect to
Upon reading it again, would you respond?

So here is my horoscope for today, thank you, validation is in the stars!

Follow up on your dreams. What's the point of talking about what might have been when you have a chance to make them come true now? It's time to make good on any unused potential -- ASAP.

Thank you. At least the stars get me .

Ok so onto other stuff:
Rachel and Cesars Birthday Party Sat night
Was a blast, good to see everyone
It was at Rye which is a pretty nice bar- minus the yahoo's but that made for good people watching
I have always loved the way those two celebrate life and each other
Rachel in her usual hostess form was so creative and cute with all her attempts to have people kiss each other. I am hoping someone got some good lip smackin!
Other happenings are Pete and Katia's Blessingway
which is basically a more thoughtful baby shower
Katia is so radiant, as is Pete
My contribution to their bead chain (everyone brings a bead and gives blessings to the new parents/baby) was a star, as those two are especially bright and shiney to me. They let their light shine, and you know how attracted I am to bright shiney things! I miss them both and they just moved to my neighborhood, just in time for Auntie Christie to baby sit.
I love this picture of Katia and Me. Ari took it sideways and I don't know how to flip it around
but I was feeling kinda sideways today, so it fits!

the crazy part is that i am going to

actually send this to you. it's cracking me up. i have absolutely nothing to loose by sending this to you, and absolutely every reason to be delighted at the same time if this email makes you smile. ok see the thing is that everytime you come around i get the same swooning sensation in my gut that i get when i hear that bass. i feel it there. always have. and i know that i shouldn't bee saying this to y but i need to tell you those things. and the best part is when i do get a chance to talk to you i get all flustered cause that never happens language is one of my gifts. see but in front of you i have like three mouths and it all just comes out in weird and facinating ways. like when i told you your drumsticks looked like sex toys. oops. i am over here cracking myself up. ok. so i am going to say good night now. sleep well. night~

Swooning San Francisco

I have been having one of those perfect San Francisco weeks. The weather has been lovely, I have been walking everywhere, and I am seeing my Favorite peeps. And also to top it off, my WT Jessica (that stands for Whiskey Twin in XT language) is "accidentily" moving back to San Francisco! We spent Thursday night celebrating with Ari and Toni and the ladies (Sienna and Lila their pups) having a gorgeous dinner, and just just being us. Toni is also a closet Olympics skating fan and we watched the finals, enjoying the competitiveness, costumes, rude commentators, and oh the hair! It was great to be with my wives again and I look forward to many more nights of just being us!

Friday I went to an amazing training conference/celebration that I have attended every year for the past eight years, African American Mental Health. It is put on by a friend/co-worker that was one of my mentors when I worked with homeless disabled adults (my first real social worky job 9 years ago) and it is meant to teach about African American Cultures, customs, history, and educate around what the needs really are right now in this field and the world around us. There is lots of drumming and dancing and soul food and traditional clothing too. I love it and it reminds me of how incredible my work is. I get to see friends and co-workers that I have been with in all of my capacities here, and I always leave with a glow.

It's wild because a man with the same man as my friend who created this conference was killed by a disgruntled client earlier this year, shot three times with a shot gun. One of my other co-workers was injured, as were others. When I learned of this, hearing his name, I just absolutely lost it, feeling as if this earth had lost one of the best teachers we have. It was cleared up later that it was a different Bruce Williams, and it really was such a reminder of how fleeting this life can be, as well as how dangerous my work really is. In greeting Bruce yesterday I felt so thankful to have one more day, one more year hopefully, being here.

And then it was off to Brimeezas Salon! They are so swonderful and fancy and have been hosting Salon's with interesting topics, this time was:

"What would you attempt to do if you knew you could not fail?".
Tameeza had to fly back to Dubai as her uncle has grown very sick sadly enough, and she was missed terribly. There was a beautiful gathering of beautiful, smart and interesting people, a lot of people I pleasantly had not known already.
Ok so here is my list:

1. Compete in an Olympic sport, probably the Luge... this is terribly facinating to me at this juncture as it is in direct contrast to what I am doing with my life or... driving a bio-diesel Monster Truck. That one got the crowd going...
2. Open an healing arts center (i am so frikin no-cal) with all of my friends using our talets such as: KT/Toni legal, Lenira on Aryveda, Jess on creativitiy and story telling, London/Ellen our Estheticians, me on creative arts therapy (with Kerry and Rachel and Corey and Tameeza as the other Therapists) Trina teaching Yoga and Dance, Cesar teaching Spanish, KC teaching everything else.. well .. you get the point. I have a lot of amazing creative friends who are so talented and we would all work in a beautiful Victorian house with an organic garden in the back (which would also be a class) and teach these arts to the community at large for low fee. Mostly my population now being at risk youth and their families.

Ok so the scariest thing and what was pointed out last night was that
ALL OF THESE THINGS ARE POSSIBLE!!!!
As were the other thoughts that were shared. One of my favorites was Dav Impossibles- who was crowned the Bullshit Sheriff by Jessica and I (he and Mayor Fromage Mie were so damned cute last night) who was going to create a way for people to change ethnicities every two years, morphing slowly into them. Bloody Brilliant!!!!

If you continue to give the same 'ol thing, you are gonna get the same 'ol thing....

This is a rough quote from Sasha Cohen, the ice skater who ranked number one for the Americans for the short program last night. Don't know why but I am taken by her. I kinda hate her and love her all at the same time. She reminds me of the bitchy Jersey girls I grew up with, that's probably it. But in watching her I am inspired by her determination. This is her life, day in and day out, and she is completely dedicated to it. She knows what she wants (Olympic Gold), made her mistakes, and owned them, did what she needed to do, and achieved her Gold. So in her interview she used the above quote, very simple, and it resonated with me, as I am in the place where I am making subtle changes and about to make big ones. Also, after drafting this I went and found my horoscope for today:
If you stay in one place, you know exactly what's likely to happen -- whereas if you take a chance, take that job offer or call you-know-who, you don't know what possibilities lie ahead. So get going.
That's good, cause thats the path I am rolling fast along.

Speaking of which,
Finally, did hear from Chris, kinda. If you call being yelled at hearing from someone. Haven't been writing about it here but what the hell is a blog for if you can't rant. Basically he is avoiding all of his friends and has been "missing" for about a week now. So he has surfaced, is really angry at me for "ruining his world". Sigh. Like I have that much control over anyone. It makes me sad to see him destroy himself~and see this man who was once all love ~turn into the absolute opposite. Really though it confirms this decision, not that it was a hard one to make. I have kinda floundered back and forth for feeling bad about this, but know so clearly that this was not a healthy thing for me. I understand that his issues are and always have been beyond me. The biggest lesson in this for me is listening to my own voice. I know my truth and know I made the best decision around ending things. I send him off with love and pray he stops hurting himself, and others as well.

In other news, my friend Mia M. had a healthy baby boy! Very exciting. No name as of yet. It's also Norbert's Birthday today (or yesterday) (can't remember 39?40?) (I think it's acutally healthy that I don't know any more) and it feels good to call him and wish him a Happy Birthday, as well as a wonderful trip to Germany with his girlfriend, Fabiola. Nice to get to a place with an ex where you want his parents to like his new girlfriend. None of them speak any English so I am sure it will go along well! (just nod and smile!)

Moving right along!

California Dreamin

So this weekend I helped Miss Jessica move from San Diego . It was time to get her outta there, and flew down, packed her up and delivered her to the Bay late last night, many stories and amusing calamities later. Just a highlight: half mile from packing it all up, stopping dead after picking up Mexican drive thru. Ran outta gas. Sat in the middle of the road (with our hazards on of course) and ate our food. Just rolling with it. J went of on hunt for gas, I stayed behind with her life in the car, and was helped by an angel trucker chick named Rose, yes Rose, who helped push the car outta the road. On the Road again.
Tika, J's cat choose all the music. She loves country and Elton John, not super excited about Lionel Ritchie. We had some spats about that one. Apparently she is a gay Republican. We love her anyway. So J will be with us for a bit, will be here for a great weekend ahead of us, then off to Astoria for some much deserved R&R with her family.

Soup ~N~ Inspiration

Had the pleasure today of having lunch with Wonder Woman, I mean HR Puffinstuff, I mean Helen! She came to town and braved the SF rain to meet me for an all- to -short- time wise but huge bowl of soup hot soup Thai soup. It was wonderful to catch up and share stories of our lives. We have a lot of common and I have always admired the way she actively seeks~ with her whole heart and her eyes wide open. She asks great questions too! I also admire the ways she is choosing to quiet herself ~and know we have a lot to learn from each other. She is definately one of my biggest blogger inspirations for sure, and shares herself so honestly with a powerful and hysterical voice. Thank you Wonder Woman!

Speaking of Wonder Woman, I am off for another adventure with another Super Hero ~my Whisky Twin Jessica. Flying down to San Diego for the weekend to move my BFRI's stuff here for the moment while she checks in with her family up north. Should be quite the adventure!

Happy Birthday Rachel !!!!!!!!

Today is my most beautiful friend Rachel's Birthday! She is simply the most wonderful in the world. Seriously, I have never had a friend like her. She listens! She really does! She cares! She pays attention to detail! And she makes the best desserts in the world. And she's soooo East Coast like me, she even wears Wapum! (all the Californians go Hmmmm? Whats Wapum?) We celebrated with a tasty 'lil meal at Canteen, it was tasty, and 'lil, and so fun. I wish all of her dreams to come true, and I am so glad she was born! Mwah!

I Pray For Grace

In reading over this new blog, I am acutely aware (and a bit bashful) about how much I refer to praying, spirituality, being blessed, and all of that stuff in general. I guess it's because internally I have a huge spiritual world that I feel somewhat private about.This is just a big part of my life and I guess a lot of it would come out here. Cause really, I am prayin about fifty times a day. Seriously. I pray for the bus, give thanks for that car not running me over, please oh please let me catch that BART (I guess a lot is around transit...). It's just me. It's just the way I was raised, and it's how I relate to the Universe around me. I am thankful for this and the positive effect it has on my life and those around me.

I had a really good talk with a friend last night, mostly about acceptance and forgiveness. He reminded me of a prayer that I refer to often:
The Serenity Prayer
God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; courage to change the things I can; and wisdom to know the difference.

It's usually used in 12 Step Programs, and it's truth is so clear.


Here is something I love ~ that I also wanted to share:

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It is not just in some of us; it is in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.
by Marianne Williamson

Shine On!

St.Valentine- can you hear me????

Woke up excited~
Lately I feel like I have just dove into a cool pool, you know that shock you feel the next ten seconds you are in the water?
Yea, that's me lately...
I have done my work and cleared my space and got rid of the old roses and asked for forgiveness and sent them all away with love.
I've walked my miles and sang my songs loudly and prayed and prayed and prayed and and prayed....
I cleaned off my altar and did my inventory and manifested my hearts desire and surrendered
And surrendered-in the good kind of way that is
I continue to have faith
even when I am dissapointed
especially when I am dissapointed
I continue to have faith

My horoscope for today~

You've got a hero inside you -- one who can help you when it comes to manifesting your soul's deepest desire. Have a little faith. If it's the right thing, the universe will support you in what you want.


Key here, if it's the right thing...
So that is my prayer for today!

Full Moon In Leo

Full Moon in Leo Indeed:
"The Moon in Leo calls us to express ourselves and share the spotlight. It's time to ritualize, dramatize, perform, just keep close to your truth. Beauty is Leo medicine; show yourself and your work to it's best advantage. "
From We'moon '06

I am always quieted by the Full Moon. You always hear about people wilding in the streets and just overall mayhem during this phase. Quite true usually, for others, but when I think back I notice what a sponge I can be during this moon phase. Keeping my energy safe, staying inside, cooking, doing ritual, and letting the maddness outside ensue ~ enjoy the full moon fever!

Circo Romani and Other Rantings

My weekend had a rough start, but after much physical and emotional clearing, I am back tof feeling like my bouncy self that I have been recently. Spent a lot of time outdoors and I know this made a difference. Yoga and a long long walk on Ocean beach, definately cleansing during this warm patch we are having. Meanwhile the East Coast is under a foot of snow. Ahem...

Received the most wonderful care package from Jeneye, an East Coast sista living in Washington with her man Dragi that I met through THE BEACH. After a short visit there early in the fall, she remembered what music I wanted to burn and sent the most beautiful card with a slew of discs. I was so so touched. She felt very familiar when I met her, definately one of my tribe.

Speaking of Tribes, Circo Romani was this weekend, a Gypsy Dinner Circus at cell space, put on by an artist collective dedicated to bringing Romani (Gitano, Gypsy) Culture to life. So much is misunderstood about them, and I am thankful for C.R.'s creativity and attempt to remain authentic. Elaine, Toni and I caught the show on Thursday and I think they did a good job. I love that I share this ancestry with a resiliant and colorful people. When I was just out of college I spent years researching the gypsies and my ancestry. The first time I watched "Latcho Drom" (Fantastic Documentary!) with my Irish/Gypsy sister Samantha I wept as I realized, I danced like them! No wonder I was always being disciplined in ballet class, I had the fever! It's amazing to me how they continue to survive despite such harsh circumstances- racism, poverty, homelessness, and all that goes with it. Their creativity and resiliance, their dedication to their "people" is to be admired. Some day I hope to dedicate more time to their/our cause.

Happy Birthday Miss Butterfly!

Tonight was my dear friend Julia Butterfly Hill's 32nd Birthday! We all gathered at our friend Ali's new home for an intimate vegan potluck. I have had the pleasure of knowing Julia since he came down from her 2plus year tree sit in the late nineties through a mutual friend, when she was wide eyed and electric from being in her power and putting her body where her beliefs are. She continues to make the environmental "movement" sexy, and wether we are shaking our booty together or supporting her zero waste "We The Planet" concerts, I am very honored to have such a woman in my life. Happy Birthday Julia, I am so glad you were born!

Me and the Smurfs in the bathroom

 

Blog Blog Blog Blog Blog this....

This was my comment about Blogs three years ago. Thought them somewhat self indulgent, waste of time is what I said. Since then I have become facinated by this on line journaling, mostly reading some of my dear friends who do such a great job. JH will have a hoot over this one!

So in an attempt to do more journaling, I have started this one. Writing has been hard lately, physically and emotionally, but when I do it I really love it! Also this is a good way to communicate with peeps that haven't been hearing from me lately. So Happy Birthday blog, you are born!

So what's up with the name? Jou Jou is a word given to me in my youth from my Italian and Jewish Mama's: technically it is an Africa charm... I use it to describe energy. As in, "That janky girl on the bus had really bad joujou"( I obviously hang out with too many 15 year olds at work), or " That house has good joujou, I think I'll buy it!!" So that's jou jou to me. It's also has been my anonymous scribe name, other than XT.

Junket is the following:
n 1: dessert made of sweetened milk coagulated with rennet 2: a journey taken for pleasure; "many summer excursions to the shore"; "it was merely a pleasure trip"; "after cautious sashays into the field" [syn: excursion, jaunt, outing, pleasure trip, expedition, sashay] 3: a trip taken by an official at public expense v 1: go on a pleasure trip 2: provide a feast or banquet for [syn: feast, banquet] 3: partake in a feast or banquet [syn: feast, banquet]


And Jollie is just flat out frikin happy. So here is to many journey's filled with jollie joujou!