Lasts and Firsts

Last night
last this last that
and yet this is really a beginning
Cleaned the hell outta the house
and stopped in between to get a lovely treatment
a facial and great talk
from my gorgeous friend London
Powerful is she
has an amazing practice
and just joined with Braindrops on Hayes and Masonic
if you need anything waxed or facialed or anything else
go to her she rocks your world and is a hip sexy momma
that was a nice break in between the dirt and the grime
cleaning the years away

made a joke to trina and tt
that I am "officially homeless"
love to get back to the gypsy lifestyle
finally
my caravan on my back...
with tt ari and the girls for a few days
safe spot to land
then off to Russian River for the weekend
and then
and then...

Santa Cruisin

So good is this man
so good so good
we had the most amazing few days together
just being
just being us
it is so easy when we let it be

after he rocked my move
he whisked me away to Santa Cruz
with mochas in my blood and smiles on my face
to be with a crew he introduced me to
just amazing peeps
beautiful land
wonderful food
incredible music
just what I needed after that big move
time to breathe some fresh air
get good lovin
create space enjoy peace
as well as the peace of us
just being
just us
thankyouchris

The Big Easy FAFE

I had anticipated this for years
this move
this baggage this stuff
all this stuff
how would i get rid of it all
i needed a truck to pull up and excavate me
from this home i have had for nine years
how was this gonna happen?

well it couldn't have been easier
and wow I actually had fun
part of it was my big big FAFE




("FAFE" is an organizational catch phrase
created by organizers who enjoy the art
of putting things in their correct place
while having fun and being distracted
yet very focused and intentional
at the same time!!!)
yes this is the biggest FAFE OF MY LIFE!
and being a virgo i was all over it
very organized and ready to roll
but also
when you have the best friends in the world
who bring smiles and scones and firefly pendants
how can it be hard?

thank you toni and rachel and ari and cesar and shmess and chris and trina
as well as my wonderful neighbors
for making the hardest thing
the easiest thing
thank you thank you thanks...

then to top it off
I had the amazing honor
of enjoying Michael's birthday that same night
My favorite musician, an inspiration, a wonderful man
what a way to go out....

thank you tt for the pictures!!!!!

Overboard

I had been waiting the whole time for this
This is when I was gonna throw it all away
That which is not in affinity with who I am
with who I am becoming
I had saved it all up
All the dead wood dead weight
once sacred holy objects
and put it in a huge bag
that was once N's
(who by the way is married and expecting..more on that later)
planned it all out
Was bringing priestess L with me to pitch it with me
then theres the sign
"if you throw anything off the bridge it is a misdemeanor"
great
just what I need to go to jail
hmmm
didn't matter
walked my walk strong solid over the bridge
one last hug and there it goes
hundreds of little treasures
at the bottom of the bay
"ooops i dropped it officer"
can't stop a goddess in her power is all i gotta say
and like that pooooof it is gone
or
"transformed" as Lenira said
in her beautiful Portuguese
Transformed
Bring it
bring it

My New Moon Intention:

Transformation

cause energy does not go away
but it does transform

Gracefully

On my twenty fifth birthday I made it a big big deal
It was when I officially initiated myself into my womanhood
Treated it with reverence
And one of the many rituals I performed was the Labrynth at Grace Cathedral
Intentional Methodical I walked the Labyrnth
It was a very sacred special event
This week I had the pleasure of being there again
For my dear Leniras Birth Day
We went to watch Karma Moffet play his magic
Tibeten Bells amoung other treasures
KC and Sebastian joined us
with the amazing acoustics it was very very sacred
Spent a lot of time praying, was very comforted being in this Church
At different times church provokes different reactions from me
This time I felt held safe protected
Gracefully
I walked the Labyrnth again
Initiation
Next phase
Eight year cycle
blessed be

This Week in Full

Whatta week
sleepy no sleep manic packing surges
floaty happy sleepy weepie
crying bursts but good ones
nostalgia no nostalgia
all i know is what ever it is feels good feels right
levity
levity

Finally made it over to Oakland to meet this little guy
Meet Eli, My girl Corey's boy
Corey is my love from my UC Berkeley MSW program
We saved each others sanity and made it through together
Bless her Heart I adore her
It was awsome cause I called to confirm our plans
And my man Koussouth was there at her house,
a dear friend who was the Three and male energy
in our SF/
Berkeley circle
we were way too cool for school
i tell ya
He just moved to New Haven with his lovely
Psyched more cool East Coast Buddies
Ok so back to Corey she is amazing and has a new home
built by her incredible man Scott and it is so gorgeous
and Eli is just the bestest funniest guy ever so
in love with him already
she is a great confident happy mummy
Of course I got lost going to her house cause I
Alwayz get lost in Oakland but phew I made it
Had a gorgeous afternoon with them so happy so happy

Then off to meet Gal and Dahlia and Dave
I just love them
'nough said
Big love

Weepies with Rachel
and the Freight and Salvage
new favorite place
with my favorite couple
Sushi with Cesar and her, just amazing
R introduced me to the lead singer
swoon swoon
it was special to do this with them
I was Weepie all night, big love big love

grateful girl

I can't believe it's already Wednesday
And I haven't really had words yet till now
To tell you about my incredible party
My friends are so so so out of this world special
I can't believe I even dare think about leaving the Bay Area for a Minute
considering all of the love surrounding
this very grateful girl
The best part though is that they "get it"
and encourage my growth and my safe journey
I am so so so grateful

D~ graciously offered up his home, The Presidio House
That has been in our family for years, has gone through many seasons
This season is fresh and clean, great spirit energy in this home now
After some saddness that I would rather skip expainations for
And all my buddies joined in and took part on the most spirited gathering
This side of the continent
Everyone was there, so many tribes coming together, decades of history going on in this joint
Intersections of my life I cannot even begin to describe
babies elders the whole spectrum
powerful peaceful people
I was floating above my body the whole time
knowing each one shares a deep love with this girl
so many memories so much history so much love
i am still floating from it

Not only was I showered with a hot sexy fancy Canon Elph Digital Camera
to which you see these pictures
As one of my many sexy men told me "to take dirty pictures of myself"
since they all contributed, I must reward them with this, and I will
happily oblige...
I was speechless upon presentation
and then
I cannot even begin to describe
The most beautiful memory book ever ever ever created
Of my many many seasons with my chosen family
Most every one was represented
poems memories pictures quotes love
I am still pouring over the pages and weeping
weeping with joy over how much love i share with this tribe
so grateful
so grateful

then up till dawn dancing with my sexy swirling beauties
stayed up long enough to greet the Bay to Breakers crowd
at my doorstep
sat with my neighbors with a huge floaty smile on my face
eating the morning bun R had brought me from her morning
drinking my cafe au lait
watching the wacky wacky crowd race up Hayes Street to the Breakers
Floating
Above my body and still am
so so grateful

Life Stuff for Sale

After my very surreal last day of work Trina and I sold our life stuff outside of our house all day long. It was a very cleansing experience, I am relieved that it is over. Our MOVING SALE began at 10:30 am, and the vultures were out at 10:28. You know those people. The ones that are always first to the sale. Alwayz gettting the deals. It was a madhouse.I barely had a chance to get it out the door. And there was a lot of stuff. Covered half the block. My neighbors couldn't believe stuff kept coming. That's what happens when you live in a house for eight plus years, three roommates later....

Ok but the high lights: Matt Gonzolaz, former candiate for Mayor, Green Party, my neighbor, hero, and eternal crush, purchased my MAGIC EIGHT BALL and my boom box. How frikin perfect. Of course he did. Eight ball is going to Momi Toby's, our local cafe, to replace their old one. I couldn't think of a better thing that could have happened to it, and it has Tons of Mojo, lemme tell you.Some of my friends stopped by to see the show and help out a bit, they rock, here is Dave with the cool acquisitions he came out with. And there's Helen after her super healthy run, she was in town and got to catch all the action. Toni and Elaine and Gal also cruised over, good to have some grounding as I was super exhausted from leaving my work the day before. Had the ladies over from the "Assisted Living" place down the street, to which we sold everything for "a quarter", dressed them to the nines with our jewels and scarves and treasures. They were so happy, grateful, they made the day of it and brought their friends. .One of my neighbors commented to me (as I was getting home that night at six a.m. ; ) more on that later) that the sale was so "spirited", letting go of these "things" was not sad at all.Felt like I was gaining my freedem back. I do not miss them at all, I feel levity and I feel free freedom to move about, as I once did, like when I moved to SF eleven years ago with everything in one milk crate. I swore then I would not burden myself down with "stuff", but then things come to you, objects that have meaning, representing different aspects and memories of our lives. They have served me well and I hope they will have a good life in other peoples homes. I made a connection with each person that I gave things to, and know that more memories will be made with my plants, my scarves, my mugs, they are onto a good life somewhere else

In the end I was happy and EXHAUSTED. I made some cash, bonded with my neighbors, and then off to a quick cat nap before my party. That is an entirely different entry to which I am still trying to find the words for. Lets just say I am still floating above my body from all of the love that I have obsorbed from my chosen family. More to come, soon, must pack, must sleep, good night..

Free Panties

Ok enough with the emotion already
Yes last day of work, Haaaazaaaah!!!
I feel very over appreciated
They all made a scrapbook, each wrote a page
just amazing
I am happy, satiated, and very, very tired
Ended the day going to dinner first
The new place on Hayes
and the De Young Museum with Rachel
It was just what I needed
my girl and
A SOLID INFUSION OF ART
The view tower was amazing as well
Got some perspective being above it all
If you haven't seen the Arts and Crafts exhibit
go now!
I think it is ending this week, so go!

Ok so onto the panties, I am sure you wanna know
Had a few minutes before meeting up with KC last night
for the most amazing Greek dinner EVA
Place up on Polk street, go there too, it is great
Anyway, back to panties...
I had a gift certificate for Victorias Secret
which has mediocre sweatshop products
hate shopping there
but I am not in a place to block a free bra
Ok the place is a frikkin pink madhouse complete with saleswomen, tonz of them
the panty ladies if you will, with those headseats of importance
like they are guarding the president or something
I guess there was some deal with free panties
that I was not in the know about
And there was a huge huge huge line
because of the free panties one can only assume
anyway I am babbling cause I am tired
but there was some situation with the woman before me
who wanted her free panty
and she wanted it now dammit!
Sarah was not in the dressing room
where the free panties were! Oh the Horror!
"Sarah? Sarah do you copy? Sarah we need a small free panty! NOW!"
Screaming into the headseat, and it was on
a full on free panty scramble
quite the situation
I hope the poor dear got her small free panty
I couldn't wait to find out
She waited in that long line for them!
Worth sharing
esp. since Rachel hates the word
Panty
Almost as much as I do! wink wink ; )

Anyway wish me luck for my Moving Sale
And pray it doesn't rain
And I get loads of cash for my trash!

My West Side

My incredible co-workers
Threw a huge ol' shindig for me today
It was so so so nice
Check out my cake
We called it the "chocolate tower of power"
It took me five minutes to figure out how to cut it
it was that big
We don't mess around with our cake!

I feel so comfortable and held at this job
For 3.5 plus years this has been my second home
I have really made the job my own
And I have done a really great job, if I say so
myself
My clients have been amazing, and challenging,
some of my best teachers
I feel really honored, in my power when I am at work
I know what to do, I am respected and people come to me
for advice on how to and what and where
even my supervisors
especially my supervisors

They have been wonderful to me as well
My office comfortable, made my own hours
Had access to great resources and trainings
Have had imput on policy and how things were going to be
It's been a wild ride
And I am on to my next new adventure

I am so thankful for this place
And even more thankful that I know
That my new journey starts
NOW

By the Way

Massachusetts
New Hamshire
Can you believe this?

This is a picture of Lowell, MA
Which is three towns away from where I went to college
oh my...

*Speaking of Labello*

Check her out~ thats my new darlink
Lucia Tamsen Ferris
Katia let me be with her all afternoon
We had lots of fun on the trampoline~*
marinaded tofu
and talked deep talks
i love me some katia
thank you hunny
you are beautiful, truly

And guess what?
ITS TACO TUESDAY!!!!!
Didn'tyaknow?
thanks for dinner moss*

Know whatelse?
Jessica thought that it was blogworthy anyway:
I Am Not Using Labello
None
Not a Labello in the house
Kiehls is my new lip crack
with spf 15n'shit
ALSO~today is my ninth month anniversary
of not smoking ~huzzah~!

*Speaking of Labello*

On the way over to taco tuesday
I saw N~s car and left a note on the front window
Cause I had some purty markers in my bag anyway
And was looking for a way to say hello and goodbye
left it right there on the windshield
cause email phone telepathy doesn't work much anymore
*so there*
and here's a picture of my walk home everyday
purty darn lucky huh? tourists come from all over the world
to get that picture
and I've walked it every day
up hill
bothways
really

AND LASTLY

Have you noticed my name is written all over this lil' city?
it is spelled wrong, they do it with a "y"
but it is still there

shine on then-

My Mums

I am so blessed in this area. I have many mothers. This is my Mom pictured here with me and she is the most witty, entertaining, resourceful, crass, and down right hysterical woman I have ever known. She loves the horses and football, and nothing makes her happier than sitting at the beach with her children. Well, maybe College Basketball makes her happier. Yes, she is a freak. When people wonder where I get my "word smithing" from - it is her. No one can pop them out like her, especially when she is driving in New York. I know she loves me and would do anything she could for me, and to make your child feel like this means you have a daughter who is secure and loving in her world and the world around her. I am so thankful for this and our transformation together.

Then there is Marmom.( She is in the picture above.I tried to make it bigger but it was the way it was taken, not the significance of it just for the record ) She is my Stepmother and we have had quite the ride together. Strong Sicilian Italian Scorpio from the Bronx. Need I say more. She is where I get my guts, my mouth, my intelligence, and my spirituality from. She and I have developed a very strong bond throughout our decades together, as she came into my life at an early age, and we have grown into our relationship, very strong loving and knowing. She loves my father, and he her, which is in the end all I care about. She also loves his children and we are very blessed for that. I couldn't imagine my life without her. I consider her another Mother, and she is.

It took twenty years, but my parents now "co-parent" meaning my mothers are friends and my mother and father are "friendly" (mostly crack jokes at each other and argue about how to raise my brothers dog, their only grandchild). We now spend the holidays together, instead of us (Me, my brother, sister, and my step brother and sister) having to "choose" who to be with, for those of you who know, know this sucks . So they grew up, sucked it up, and for all intensive purposes almost enjoy each other. It is my very functional dysfunctional family. I love it and we have worked very hard to make it peaceful and most of all We Have Fun!

I am very thankful for my Mothers, and really look forward to spending some quality time appreciating and honoring them this summer. And yes, they did spend Mothers Day together. How very 2006! Happy Mothers Day!

Where's the Zendo?

This weekend Jessica and I had a very needed, very spontaneous trip to Green Gulch Zen Center in Marin. I have been to the Zen Center in SF (see earlier post)but this environment outside of the city, in some of the most beautiful land in the Bay was such an experience.This is a very very special place. We spent most of the first day trying to get there, and anyone who knows us understands this is always an interesting event when J and I get into a car together. Kinda like a vortex, esp. when we are in Oakland. Getting to the center was equally hysterical, as the map kinda threw us off and we couldn't find anything. Dig if you will J and I walking around trying to find the Zendo, asking others around us, feeling like we were being quiet, but apparently not quiet enough for the monk who cam out to "shhhh" us as we were disrupting the meditators. Oooops. So us. It wouldn't be a successful weekend if we wern't Shhhed, at least once..or twice.

We had the most beautiful, relaxing 24 hours, reading, wrinting, hiking, meditating, talking, and eating super healthy. Hiked down to Muir beach today after our Zazen (meditation) and it was so hot and gorgeous out!You have to hike through the farm lands where they grow their own food. It reminded me of where I am heading to at Omega and I because super excited again and again!

We really grounded out and had some quiet time much needed during some serious transition time in both of our lives. It was especially important to be talking about my leaving and how this is for us, similar to how it was when she moved down to San Diego for her "Sabbatical". We both know that our friendship has endurance and resiliance ~ here there or anywhere, and that is really a very special thing to have in your life.