Saturday, June 30, 2007

And We're Off!




Read this on one of my favorite blogs (thank you Superhero)


and needed to repost it


it serves me well right now...




Going to go "meet" myself in the woods again



After eight months of the grind



I can't wait to go back home






I am thankful for this time



I have learned a lot



I hope I have given what I have received


I hope I receive what is given



this is my prayer






till then~



shine on!






Love after Love






The time will come


When, with elation,


You will greet yourself arriving


At your own door,


in your own mirror,



And each will smile at the other’s welcome,



And say sit here,



Eat.


You will love again the stranger who was your self.




Give wine.



Give bread.



Give back your heart



To itself, to the stranger who has loved you



All your life, whom you ignored



For another,


who knows you by heart.




Take down the love letters from the bookshelf,



The photographs, the desperate notes,



Peel your image from the mirror.



Sit.



Feast on your life.



~ Derek Walcott ~

Monday, June 25, 2007

Home Stretch

Forgive me for not writing

See, in between packing and planning and interviewing for people that will live in Scotts home, there has been stolen moments of sweetness, and this is how I've been spending those moments inbetween my Fafing virgo plan fest. What I have to say is that I love how it's all come together. I love learning how S and I work together to make it work. It's been a lot. From early morning to late night we've been painting and measuring and cleaning and putting down new soil. Interviewing and calling and somewhere in between, sweet sleep. See, as I am now called, the "master planner" has definitely been thrown off course by spontaneity. This has been a good stretch for me, learning how to use those muscles. Learning how to be accountable and accommodating and plan with someone that you love that you want the best for. How to work as a team and share victories and frustration and sometimes, say nothing, it can be better that way. We truly and deliriously want the best for eachother, to bring out the best and assist with the rough spots. And I think we have gone through this incredibly well together, learned how to really be a team. Learned to appreciate and know each others strengths , and where we have room to grow. Fixing up his house and planning to go to the woods together has been so good to us. And for us. And now how to be good to others who will share his family home. It's a truly intimate experience. Now we know what we are made of, and it is strong and sweet. We have much to look forward to.

The anxiety and stress of the past few weeks has passed. It's wild how that filled me. Haven't felt it like that, well, ever. Don't do well in last minute plans. Now I know why. Learning how to be more flexibleI don't know, time to get back to the practice. Very clear how putting any self care aside really gets me off track quickly. I think the root of it is that as J and I would say, I am a tree living a birds life. After rooting down in Sf for so long, I have been flittering here and there. Truth is I love home. My virgo nurture nature needs my spot. J and I make home whereever we are, which is what the "fafe" is all about. My truth right now is that it is only where I am. In a tent. In a beautiful bright room at my sisters. At the cozy nook at my moms. At a friends house in SF. My storage space in SF that I still rent. In S's studio where I will possibly be wintering. And now, back in my tree house, my tent in the woods. I am getting used to this nomadic transiant lifestyle. Truly a gypsy for sure, now more than just my blood rite ("gypsy give me your tears" rattles in my head daily). As I've been packing I've been astonished by "the stuff". Its all just stuff! Really, do we need it? I've tried not to collect so much. Even now I am relinquishing my family furniture in return for the freedom I will have, less for my caravan. I am truly a citizen of the universe. And I am anticipating a sweet ride.

So yes, tonight I pick up my sister Breezy to bring her back to NJ from Colorado where she will be making her home. Girls grown her own wings. So happy for her. Will spend the next few days packing up and finishing work in Newark and getting ready for the pilgrimage back to the fireflies , trees, and the light. I might not be here for a while. I will try to keep up as I did last summer, but we'll see. Know that those I know - I know and love, and those I don't , I appreciate your care and well wishes. Till then my sweets~*



Thursday, June 21, 2007

*Happy Summer*




Friday, June 15, 2007

Full New Moon


It's soooooooooooo Friday ya'lls

Its been busy I swear
People on the East Coast definately work harder than on the West Coast
It used to be so breezy...

As mizz K says "burning the candle at both ends..."
true dat sista

Feeling better, was pretty saturated this week

between work and trying to get to Omega and cleaning and family and friends and self care

it's all abundnacy

sometimes I just get saturated

and then get stressed

and bossy

and virgo-ey

chop chop as me and my ladiez say

I am thankful my peeps, esp S gets it

needs to get back to self care

walking presley

yoga

singing

eating well

it's amazing how I allow my "lack of time" escalate into falling into non self care behaviors

back to the program

back to the practice
back to the woods
back to me
back to Spirit


Happy Friday Ya'll!


ps aint this a great pic? someone took it when we were at Spearhead at Hunter Mountain, we are somewhere in that crowd!


Gave my notice on Wednesday for my job

Heading up north for the summer on July first

Let the good times roll....

Wednesday, June 13, 2007

The Way He






The Way He:






~looks at me and says "good morning my love" and tells me I look all cute when I sleep even though I am all scrunchy and slumbery



~calls me mid morning just to wish me a beautiful day and tell me he loves me


~ goes out to the store to prepare me breakfast and fresh juice, all raw and prepared with LOVE


~ comes with me everywhere even when I go see my craaazy family and understands and thinks it's funny that my marmom loves jesus more than chocolate and comes to church and stands up for me when my dad gets all fanatatical and shit and tells me to go in and give them a hug after I turn into a 12 year old



~ lights candles and to reads to me before bed


~ goes to the book store to look for books for me, orders books for me
, and tells me all about the hundreds of books he reads

~ looks at me and swoons and takes it in when I swoon back


~ cracks me up all the time



~ anticipates what I need and makes sure that it's there when I need it

~doesn't let me get away with my shit

~ envisions and prepares and lives

~just gets it

~knows how to take care of me when I get all virgo-ey and anxious n' shit




~ makes me laugh so frikin hard about the inane subtle nuances of life


~ helps me feel more me than I have ever felt



~ plays his sax and uses his beautiful hands and fingers like a musician


~ takes care of me and sees all the bunches of ways I love him as well


~always plays the right song for me in the most perfect moment (i.e. "Something in the Way she Moves" on the way to my parents that made me weep but I hid my happy tears)


~ thinks my cooking is good even when it isn't that good



~works his ass off to fix up the house so we can go have great adventures this summer



~teaches me teaches me teaches me (and learns from me and with me as well)



I could go on and on and on and on



thank you baby for our gooooood looooove









Thursday, June 07, 2007

Synchronicities and Spearhead

Had the most incredible weekend at Omega and Hunter Mountain this weekend~

Saw my 'ol peeps and it was all so abundant, had major mojo synchronicities with the author of the book that Scott is reading (who just happened to be there.. ahem) sang lots of songs with my favorite band in the world and danced danced danced, got muddy, listened to the rain falling (at the most perfect times, right before and right after our show) had lots of road trippin fun singing and laughing and driving, just incredibly swoony time with S ~ life is good





look at those mountains, so beautiful

my hobbit feet, all muddy. usually I like my feet, but in this case...

This is Anthony on stage with Michael, he is the flower man. He also does the flowers at Omega. Ran into him in the morning before the show, it was great to see him and his beautiful work


With Warren Haynes from Gov't Mule~ Michael sang a lot of songs I hadn't heard yet, very exciting...


We missed the bus and walked all the way back to our car, with the mountains and the calm sweet green around us. This is a beautiful church we walked by as well, you know I am a sucker for a graveyard

Wednesday, June 06, 2007

My beautiful family

Finally have a minute to post some pics from our trip to San Francisco, enjoy!


I love this gorgeous woman!
My newest love Marina, by Lenira and Sebastian
One of my favorite places with one of my favorite people
How very San Francisco of us, at Green Apple Bookstore
These are two of my best men friends, and that means so much to me!
Arn't these two just the bestest?
Yea, it's kinda like that. Me and my wife~


Again, how do I have such beauty in my life? Look at these two!

Tuesday, June 05, 2007

We really know how to have fun






























I love these people!

(thanks kc for the pics)

Monday, June 04, 2007

It's been a year


Yes my dear readers

its been a year since i left the city by the bay

and embarked on my East Coast journey.

What can I say

so much so much so much

I feel as if I have accomplished what I needed this year to be

Spent some time outside in the woods figuring out next steps and where I am at in this wild wild Universe of ours
Spent some time here in Jersey realizing that my old demons are just that and I am at peace now with all of it
Realizing that being with my family means being a citizen of the Universe and that is not dictated by one coast or the other, but being present when you are where ever you are, and family is who you love and who loves you
Cut off the slack in my relationships, in my body, in my mind, in my habits. Eliminated a lot and did what I know to do through my practice, without guilt, without shame, without have to's...
Met some good people, experienced many teachers, became excelled at toll booth quarter throwing and merging and becoming a real "driver"

Spent some time with my family, helped free my sister from her jersey jail and my brother from the hurt and the heal that happens after

Had a crazy episode in the north east for a potential job opportunity, learned that you get what you need not what you want

fell in looooooooove

I am definitely proud of my self on many levels. Being a control freak older sister virgo that I can be , it is very difficult for me not to know the how what when why, and then mind meld and analyze it to death. I have tried over and over again to surrender and not be in in the pain of what my plan is or how I think they should be, but otherwise, the beautiful bounty we are presented when we listen to the subtle yearnings our great spirit has planned for us. Definitely been struggling with this lately too. How I think things should be, when in essence I am just getting off track from what is to be and is already planned which is so perfect and so beautiful and so bountiful when we just surrender to the goodness that we are provided exactly what we need.

Deep breath.

I can be stubborn, I am a survivor of much and have always had to do things for myself. I am not whining or crying, just a fact that when no one is doing it for you , when you grow up as a child of parents that need to be parented themselves, you have to be crafty and creative and find ways to be in this world. How then can one "surrender"' then to what the great spirit can provide for you in a way that is open and accepting while taking care of yourself when others that depend on you and at the same time just let it be? When ever I do this, try to just see what happens or let it be, when ever I trust and listen, I am always rewarded in ways that words cannot even capture.

Cornell vs Scott is a good illustration of this.

See, I thought that Cornell was what I had always wanted. Nice cozy University Health care center therapist job in a villagy progressive area. Thought I had Manifested this. It was in my prayers and on the tip of my tongue for every second of every day from November till March. Then one night I wished my hearts true desire, and that very week Cornell was out and Scott was here. Trust. Faith. Surrender. Bam! Now , its not that I do this to be "rewarded", rather, to be reminded that in my world, in my universe, I know that my great spirit, God, Goddess, what ever the hoot you wanna call it, knows me and knows my heart and knows how I am to be used in this world. Not me. Spirit knows that I was desiring a partner to walk with and to be with in this world, to love and to love me and to carry out what is intended for us to provide together. Sorry, I know I am all smushy and open right now, but if you cant hang you are welcome to go back to watching ITUBE or tv or something like that. I just got back from Omega and I am all open and shit again.Jersey Christie is now struggling again with Omega Christie, and Integrated Christie is trying to rule over all of them reminding that she is all one. That is dangerous in Newark where I am right now writing this. I am sick of having this huge wall around me here though, like the cube I sit in (that I am sitting in right now.). This is no way for people to live and I refuse to compromise myself anymore or censor myself to try and protect myself from all of the toxic shit that is out there and trying to make it's way into my body. I was in Dunkin Donuts this morning getting my coffee (my one true vice, plus sugar) and this man walked in with a tumor on the side of his face the size of a small child. I am not lying. It was like something out of south park but it was real. I am usually sensitive to stuff like that and not look but I could not help but look twice. I was so struck by this it actually hurt my body. It reminded me of all of the toxic shit and chemicals and crap and lies we put in our body, and there it is manifested on his face. And there I was contributing to this by buying Dunkin Donuts, probably one of the contributors of the toxins on why he has this growth on my face. I was so open from my weekend at Omega and eating right again and being outside breathing fresh air and being with people from my own planet and synchronicities and being in love (and reminded ) at Hunter Mountain watching Spearhead that I just wanted to throw up right there. Grab him and shake him and help him to realize how all of this contributes to the toxic manifestation that he has the pain of wearing every day. Hug him and not be afraid to look at him and turn him towards things that will help as opposed to staring and being afraid of him like the people on line were. It's too much. It's too much....

I digress...

So yes, this year. This year. I am so thankful for this year. Being in San Francisco last weekend definitely anchored me and bookended what I now know. That to take that risk, to risk everything, meant that I was to find exactly what it is that I truly desired and what I believe spirit wants of me. I have a lot of my questions answered. I am now and I hope to remain more than not open to how I am to be living in this world, how, and where, and who with. The who the what the where the when will always be pecking at the back of my brain. Peck . Peck. Peck. It manifests in my anxiety and crankiness and I thank Scott and Sue and my Mom and all others that it spills onto for dealing with cranky Christie. Especially in the morning when all of this comes up. But I know I just need to take a deep breath, say a prayer, take a walk, give a kiss, and all will be the way it is to be.

Bless....~ *
Post Script:
literally thirty seconds after saving this post I found out that we will be able to go through with out plans for this summer.... you tell me now, hows that for saying yes...
leap and the net shall catch you