It's been a year

Yes my dear readers

its been a year since i left the city by the bay

and embarked on my East Coast journey.

What can I say

so much so much so much

I feel as if I have accomplished what I needed this year to be

Spent some time outside in the woods figuring out next steps and where I am at in this wild wild Universe of ours

Spent some time here in Jersey realizing that my old demons are just that and I am at peace now with all of it

Realizing that being with my family means being a citizen of the Universe and that is not dictated by one coast or the other, but being present when you are where ever you are, and family is who you love and who loves you

Cut off the slack in my relationships, in my body, in my mind, in my habits. Eliminated a lot and did what I know to do through my practice, without guilt, without shame, without have to's...

Met some good people, experienced many teachers, became excelled at toll booth quarter throwing and merging and becoming a real "driver"

Spent some time with my family, helped free my sister from her jersey jail and my brother from the hurt and the heal that happens after

Had a crazy episode in the north east for a potential job opportunity, learned that you get what you need not what you want

fell in looooooooove

I am definitely proud of my self on many levels. Being a control freak older sister virgo that I can be , it is very difficult for me not to know the how what when why, and then mind meld and analyze it to death. I have tried over and over again to surrender and not be in in the pain of what my plan is or how I think they should be, but otherwise, the beautiful bounty we are presented when we listen to the subtle yearnings our great spirit has planned for us. Definitely been struggling with this lately too. How I think things should be, when in essence I am just getting off track from what is to be and is already planned which is so perfect and so beautiful and so bountiful when we just surrender to the goodness that we are provided exactly what we need.

Deep breath.

I can be stubborn, I am a survivor of much and have always had to do things for myself. I am not whining or crying, just a fact that when no one is doing it for you , when you grow up as a child of parents that need to be parented themselves, you have to be crafty and creative and find ways to be in this world. How then can one "surrender"' then to what the great spirit can provide for you in a way that is open and accepting while taking care of yourself when others that depend on you and at the same time just let it be? When ever I do this, try to just see what happens or let it be, when ever I trust and listen, I am always rewarded in ways that words cannot even capture.

Cornell vs Scott is a good illustration of this.

See, I thought that Cornell was what I had always wanted. Nice cozy University Health care center therapist job in a villagy progressive area. Thought I had Manifested this. It was in my prayers and on the tip of my tongue for every second of every day from November till March. Then one night I wished my hearts true desire, and that very week Cornell was out and Scott was here. Trust. Faith. Surrender. Bam! Now , its not that I do this to be "rewarded", rather, to be reminded that in my world, in my universe, I know that my great spirit, God, Goddess, what ever the hoot you wanna call it, knows me and knows my heart and knows how I am to be used in this world. Not me. Spirit knows that I was desiring a partner to walk with and to be with in this world, to love and to love me and to carry out what is intended for us to provide together. Sorry, I know I am all smushy and open right now, but if you cant hang you are welcome to go back to watching ITUBE or tv or something like that. I just got back from Omega and I am all open and shit again.Jersey Christie is now struggling again with Omega Christie, and Integrated Christie is trying to rule over all of them reminding that she is all one. That is dangerous in Newark where I am right now writing this. I am sick of having this huge wall around me here though, like the cube I sit in (that I am sitting in right now.). This is no way for people to live and I refuse to compromise myself anymore or censor myself to try and protect myself from all of the toxic shit that is out there and trying to make it's way into my body. I was in Dunkin Donuts this morning getting my coffee (my one true vice, plus sugar) and this man walked in with a tumor on the side of his face the size of a small child. I am not lying. It was like something out of south park but it was real. I am usually sensitive to stuff like that and not look but I could not help but look twice. I was so struck by this it actually hurt my body. It reminded me of all of the toxic shit and chemicals and crap and lies we put in our body, and there it is manifested on his face. And there I was contributing to this by buying Dunkin Donuts, probably one of the contributors of the toxins on why he has this growth on my face. I was so open from my weekend at Omega and eating right again and being outside breathing fresh air and being with people from my own planet and synchronicities and being in love (and reminded ) at Hunter Mountain watching Spearhead that I just wanted to throw up right there. Grab him and shake him and help him to realize how all of this contributes to the toxic manifestation that he has the pain of wearing every day. Hug him and not be afraid to look at him and turn him towards things that will help as opposed to staring and being afraid of him like the people on line were. It's too much. It's too much....

I digress...

So yes, this year. This year. I am so thankful for this year. Being in San Francisco last weekend definitely anchored me and bookended what I now know. That to take that risk, to risk everything, meant that I was to find exactly what it is that I truly desired and what I believe spirit wants of me. I have a lot of my questions answered. I am now and I hope to remain more than not open to how I am to be living in this world, how, and where, and who with. The who the what the where the when will always be pecking at the back of my brain. Peck . Peck. Peck. It manifests in my anxiety and crankiness and I thank Scott and Sue and my Mom and all others that it spills onto for dealing with cranky Christie. Especially in the morning when all of this comes up. But I know I just need to take a deep breath, say a prayer, take a walk, give a kiss, and all will be the way it is to be.

Bless....~ *

Post Script:

literally thirty seconds after saving this post I found out that we will be able to go through with out plans for this summer.... you tell me now, hows that for saying yes...

leap and the net shall catch you