A burner paid for my toll today....

Driving driving driving in the mornin has made me hard....
I wake up at the crack of dawn to merge onto three different arteries
Filled with tolls and traffic and cranky morning commuters
And I have become one of them
I can actually feel the wrinkles being created from my frown
no joke

Even my friends have commented that that light n' airy feeling
I acquired from livin in the woods in UTOPIA this summer
has been replaced
by a hard crunchy candy coating on the outside....
A common mantra in my head is
"it's called merge you f$#@!! whore..."
no joke


but this morning reminded me
from where I come

In my mind, in my Jersey mind
the beginning of it started with this "idiot" driver at the toll booth
not really knowing what he/she was doing,
cutting over two lanes of traffic
to cut off my perfectly justified fellow traveler in front of me

Well he had had it,
and skipped over to the other lane as she just stopped
dead stopped sideways in front of the toll booth
how dare....

so that would be me in back of her, my mind racing with caffiene and adreneline and morning radio
at the thought of just another idiot behind the wheel
when all of the sudden I see it...

The man, the Bman, on the back of her car...

Aww shit! Well now, she's just a crunchy burner who don't know how to drive.. ahhhh.
I'll cut her some slack. In fact, the bumper sticker has now made me smile. Whereas in the Bay Area I would cry "conformist" upon seeing this sticker, maybe even a bit disgusted at the mass marketing of my beloved man now hanging from the back of the bumper,
I wanted to
RUN OUT OF MY CAR AND HUG HER
People from my own planet! So what she can't drive...

After quite a while, she moves on...
The toll booth maiden then informs me with a point, and a big smile on her face:
"That lady just paid for your toll"
"Isn't she beautiful" I cry out
And she shakes her head and agrees
understanding the mundane beauty of all of it!

My eyes well up
I get it
my own little burner angel

Did she know? Could she tell? You know how burners can spot each other...
Had she noticed me on the highway? Is that why she cut off the other guy in front?

Of course I think I am special and that it is all about me
but truth be told,
this is what our people do...
and where as I was so burnt out on this "pay it forward" mentality of my homeland SF
I needed this so so so much this morning...

Gratitude

Wish Me Luck!

Keep your fingers crossed

Say a prayer

Light a candle

Wish me Luck

What ever can do to send me good loving calm prosperous wishes this week, I would so appreciate it!


I promise I will explain it all when I get back! ; )

Happy New Year!

Chinese Astrology-
Year of the PIG.

Sun Nien Fai Lok or Happy Chinese New Year!

February 18, 2007 will usher in the year of the Pig. It is Year 4,705 since the beginning of the Yellow Emperor’s reign, when this lunar calendar was first implemented.

Chinese New Year, also known as the Spring Festival is the main Chinese festival of the year and it is not a religious event. As the Chinese use the lunar calendar for their festivals the date of Chinese New Year changes from year to year. The date corresponds to the new moon (black moon) in either late January or February. Traditionally celebrations last for fifteen days, ending on the date of the full moon. In China the public holiday lasts for three days and this is the biggest celebration of the year. Chinese New Year Customs and Traditions...

If you were born in 1923, 1935, 1947, 1959, 1971, 1983, 1995 or 2007 you were born under the sign of the Pig. See some famous Pigs.

	Rat	1900	1912	1924	1936	1948	1960	1972	1984	1996
	Ox	1901	1913	1925	1936	1949	1961	1973	1985	1997
	Tiger	1902	1914	1926	1938	1950	1962	1974	1986	1998
	Rabbit	1903	1915	1927	1939	1951	1963	1975	1987	1999
	Dragon	1904	1916	1928	1940	1952	1964	1976	1988	2000
	Snake	1905	1917	1929	1941	1953	1965	1977	1989	2001
	Horse	1906	1918	1930	1942	1954	1966	1978	1990	2002
	Goat	1907	1919	1931	1943	1955	1967	1979	1991	2003
	Monkey	1908	1920	1932	1944	1956	1968	1980	1992	2004
	Rooster	1909	1921	1933	1945	1957	1969	1981	1993	2005
	Dog	1910	1922	1934	1946	1958	1970	1982	1994	2006
	Pig	1911	1923	1935	1947	1959	1971	1983	1995	2007

*Please note: The Chinese year ends on the first new moon of the following year. For those of you born in January and February please take care when determining your sign.

What's in Store for 2007?

A year of goodwill to all. An excellent climate for business, and industry in general will prevail. People will be more free and easy on the whole and the complaisant attitude of the Pig will generate a feeling of abundance. But in spite of the favorable auspices here, like the Pig we will hesitate, waver and undermine our own abilities when opportunity calls.

The Pig's year is one of plenty. La dolce vita is very much advocated and practiced by the sensual Pig. If life is worth living, it must be lived to the hilt. Such is his motto. The Pig is as lavish with gifts as he is with affection. He takes pride in being chivalrous and extravagant. It would be ill-advised to overspend this year or make sizable investments without thorough investigation. We may also come to regret impulsive acts of generosity made on the spur of the moment.

The fortunate Pig carries with him contentment and security. This is one year in which you could be happy without having or needing a lot of success or money to make it so. There will not seem to be many hurdles to overcome and the placid Pig radiates a sense of well-being. Still, a great deal of prudence is recommended in money matters, as the Pig is always susceptible to swindlers.

This year will find us entertaining a lot more than usual and getting ourselves involved in all sorts of charitable and social functions. We find it a lot easier to make friends in the Pig's tolerant and expansive atmosphere.

Watch out for excesses, though, as the Pig tends to overindulge himself in anything when given the opportunity. Weight watchers will have a tough time and may face losing (or rather, gaining) battles.

(excerpt from acufinder.com)

Happy Happy Moss!

Yes yes there are lots of birthdays this month to celebrate!

Here we are honoring our dear Moss last night with the most incredible dinner at Uncle Nicks in Hell's Kitchen (my fave) and drinks in da neighborhood. Seriously, I love this man. He is the only person in my existance right now who truly understands what this year has meant to us both~

See Moss did the whole bi-coastal move himself this year, around the same time, and knows what this involves and how much of a physical and emotional undertaking this is.

So when I call him and say "Why does this feel XYZ " he says " OH honey, saddle up with a drink and lemme tell ya". So so so thankful that we have each other in this big bad city of ours!

I know this is gonna be a great year for you my dear. I am so thankful for our friendship.
Thanks for bringing out the crazy and and dirty and Jersey in me, Big Love Big Love

Happy Happy to my favorite Kitten

My favorite Kitten celebrates another year this week! Happy Happy my dear!

I love this picture of us, it kinda says it all

Here we are enjoying some time with our favorite ladies, sharing a moment only we would understand with some conversation in some secret language that would only make sense to us! I love those moments with her, where I only have to give her a look across the room of a crowded party and it constitutes at least three different points we want each other to understand... love that!

For her birthday present she asked us to write down some of our special moments together or send some love her way. I didn't want to be a hoggy hog on her blawg, but on mine I can write whatever the frig I wanna:

*Our walks together at Bman when we were so hot and frustrated that we couldn't take it anymore and how we were trying to hard to be present and fun and light when all we wanted was a glass of iced tea and our men to rub out feet by the pool, BREATHE. Ok, is that too much to ask for? Oh, and build me a shade structure while your up...

*Escaping away from party x y or z to talk our pshycobabble talk that only we would use to completely validate why we were absolutely in the right of so said kindof situation, and why didn't they get that? Wasn't it completely obvious to no one but us?

* Our special dates on Fillmore street, Manhattan, the theater, the swanky restaurant, the cafe, just some time for us to just treat ourselves together away from the grind of saving the world with a single DSM 1v and a bus pass

* The time I actually made it over the bridge to Oakland to hang out. You had to have surgery to get me to do this, but I made it!!!!!

*She has this secret gift that manifests the most chocolately hot chocolate and the softest cashmere sweaters- usually on sale or down some secret magical ally that you never knew existed in your very own city

*She always always shows up with some sort of intoxicating baked good that she made from scratch and carried on Bart all throughout the day for you.

* Our marathon phone calls which fill me up and give me enough gas to keep me going and going and going

* Our East Coast Innuendos and how I don't have to explain Wampum or the value of being on to you

Ok so I just love you to pieces and hope you have the bestest birthday eva! I am so so so glad you were born! Big love big love

Oh and a very Happy Happy too to CC who turns 40! Geesh we are really grown ups now, arn't we ...

Five things you probably don't know about me

five things you probably don't know about me

a.k.a. Confessions

I've been tagged by Katia Lucky JUJU to do a Meme

I have this weird inclination to do this
I'm just superstitious like that
Just like if you send me one of those stupid chain emails I have to do them too
So Please don't send me any chain emails
I don't mind meme's so much though
so here goes

1. I backed out of a three way with Matt Dillon and my really hot friend Sarah when I was living on Martha's Vinyard during college. It was right before his "Swingers" movie came out after a really long acting dry spell,, so he was a bit on the looser side, (even more so than now) but hey he was frikin "Dallas" on the Outsiders so how much of a looser could he be. Why you ask? He was "that boy" that my friend hung on her wall ripped from her Tiger Beat magazines. She fantasized one day about marrying him, her girlhood crush. (mine was River Phoenix RIP) I am sure her fantasies of being with him DID NOT include me in bed with them. PLUS he was a big pervert and he had a broken leg at the time, and that's not so fun in the bedroom. The next morning my friend thought I left that night even though I went to one of the bedrooms upstairs and I was stranded at his house with him in the middle of no where.

2. I left home at the age of sixteen. I wasn't getting along with my parents (my father and step mother) who were newly"reborn" Christians. I was in my black and goth stage, not a good mix. We moved out from the area I grew up in my senior year of high school to an area where my high school was across the street from cows. I was used to being in Manhattan every weekend with my friends and boyfriend, and felt completely like an alien in my new preppy high school. I took off and lived with my boyfriend my senior year, my Mom lived down the street so I could visit with her often and "play" like I lived with her to my high school for legal reasons, but I've been on my own ever since.

3. My Mom made me try out on Broadway for the musical "Annie". She was a total stage mom and I was in ballet, voice, and other various dance classes since the age of four. I was in singing competitions and plays and dance rehersals every week for most of my youth until I became a teenager. I tried out for "Annie" the year after Sarah Jessica Parker and I had no desire to be this red headed caricature. I did get a "call back" over thousands of other girls, but couldn't go for some reason. I think I got sick or somebody died or something. I remember being really relieved. But then my lunch lady who painted on her eye brows found out somehow and made me stand up in front of the ENTIRE lunch room and sing "Tomorrow". I have been tramatized ever since and to this day feel nauseas every time I've heard that song. I Never heard the end of it until I graduated High School. I still get teased by my brother and sister for this.

4. The first week I got my drivers license I got into an accident with a Mac truck. I had just bought my 1974 Chrysler Newport Special (army green with black leather interior) and offered to drop my friends off from school. I remember backing up onto the street, and because my car was the size of a hearse was having trouble getting back into my lane when the truck let off his brake and rolled right into me. It was in slo mo but it's a Mac truck so it messed us up. I almost bit my tounge off and my friend Anne (who had a huge bag of weed in her purse) got knocked up pretty bad. The police officer said if my car hadn't been so huge we would've been plastered. I didn't really drive much after that, haven't owned my own car again until this year. I went to college after that and then mostly in cities so I didn't need one, but I think it was really an excuse because I've been scared. Since I've been on the East Coast I am driving every day and feeling stronger and stronger about it. I still get scared sometimes though, especially next to trucks.

5. I have two fake teeth. I have a really small jaw (despite having such a big mouth) and whenI got braces my orthodontist had to pull them down from the top of my jaw, they never grew in. He pulled them down wrong and they didn't survive the trauma. I won't tell you which ones though, gotta keep em guessing some how....

Ok YOUR turn, I tag miboni, kitten, mamachronicles, tropic of virgo, and double tag Helen with Katia!

Happy Birfday Blawgggity Blawg

Oh my, it's a year
(why do we mark time in years btw?, I am sure there is some reasonable answer for this...)

Yes it's been a year since I ate crow. I used to make fun of bloggers, and blogging. Even the name "blog", what in the world? "BLAWG BLAWG BLAWG" Jessafire would hear me moan. Then I read. Then I understood blawgging, stopped making fun of it and started using it~ inspired by my ladies, this incredible tool used
to express themselves to release themselves to share themselves

I give it up to Lucky JUJU, KOKOCHI and GRACEOPENHEART for pouring their lives out on screen, and inspiring me so to have this beautiful medium to indulge my own musings (and the two other blawgs that are still under the radar, they know who they are...)
(and the two after that that were birthed, they know who they are...)

I really don't even care who reads the joujoujolliejunket, as this has truly been for me to document one of the most life changing years I have pursued ever. A year ago seems like a lifetime ago. Truly.

But I do love that you read it. AndI love the way my friends can see what I am up to. Especially with all of the land in between us right now. In the past I have been a very private person, not really sharing so much of myself. Not because I had anything to hide but because truth be told I know what's going on with me, I am much more interested in what's going on with you. I don't necessarily need to share it for it to be true. But having the caliber of ladies in my life that I have had, they have taught me about reciprocity, and how to demand it from your relationships. This has sent me on a journey of sharing in which I am so rich because of . I want to share myself, my thoughts, my journeys. Truth be told, and I don't mean to "tooo", but I do have some interesting moments. At least I am entertained. If someone can learn something or enjoy them with me or have any insight or feed back, the more the better. Of course there are things I do not share, I do have some discretion, and this is mostly fed to my own private journal or other varieties of creativity in my life.

I am baffled by the amount of people who read this. Really I am flattered. From Finland to Greece, no kidding. Over 6,000 right now the stats tell me. I love that some people who I didn't even know I write whisper to me, "I read your blawg the other day"~ that they would even care to take a look. This also however includes some of my former beau's.... I have to be truthful that if they had one I would be super tempted to look as well, we always wonder. I've decided I am not going to censor myself anymore to protect them. I don't write about my love life a lot because of privacy issues, but also I am protecting myself and them because I know they still read ( I cannot tell you how I know but I do know this wink wink ). The last thing I want to do is hurt anyone but there are some beautiful and interesting things happening and I no longer want to censor myself. Ok? Ok.

I write because I can. I write because it helps me release. I write because when I look back a year from now I can go "oh yea, I worked on that", or "wasn't that a frikin blast". Blogging culture still weird, still self indulgent, still voyeuristic. But then again, we all need a little something something now and again. I would love to hear from you from time to time. Please feel free to comment. I want to know that you are there. I want to know how you are, what you think, what's going on. Who is out there? I want to know!

Blogblogblogblogblogblogblog that.

This is not my beautiful house , this is not my beautiful wife....

Tuesday. My first real day of work.I narrowly escaped thirteen accidents on the NJ Parkway and 280, two hours in traffic and lands in Newark, and starts her new job, new life. Here we go again. Everyone is super wonderful, they really can't do enough for me. The benefits are great, they went beyond my expectations for salary, training is spectacular, and they will pay for my licensing. All is well, walking around the city, taking in the sites on my way to get my drug test (that's right...) and knowing, I can make this work. I can do this. I can do this work again. My new life, settling in. Having a Mary Tyler Moore moment with my scarf walking out of the prestigious state building, "I'm gonna make it afteralllllllllllllllllllllllllll!!!!"

Cut to XT checking her voice mail three seconds later" Hello, this is Sonya from Cornell University... we want to fly you to Ithaca for the Therapist job here, please call me back". This btw is my DREAM job, world renound cutting edge health center, the new college health care model in a very cozy progressive community at the Berkeley of the Ivy league schools. Shit. I just hung up my pictures on my wall in my bedroom. I finally changed my address form, making friends, dating, decorating, making my home here. I lost it. Crying hysterically under the full moon on my way home. I don't know why. I think it's because I am a tree living a birds life, ya know? Also, good tears, feeling like (and always have) this feels like a destiny thing, you know? There is so much going on. Ultimately I feel so grateful. Lots of opportunities. Meanwhile, I am surrounded by loved ones who are having doors closing, trying to be supportive of them. Part of me wants to just settle in, but I want to make sure it's the right thing. This to me means I feel it in my bones, ya know.

Cut to Thursday. Me sitting in traffic for two hours trying to get on the 280, praying that my gas tank won't be on empty while my bladder certainly is not. Praying for the traffic to move. Deep breathing, "everyone will merge, work together, keep moving". Dead stop, staring at all of the ugly industry around me, the bitter working slags on the way to their drab jobs. I am one of them now. What I swore I wouldn't do. I have been spoiled walking ten minutes to work for the past four years, through Alamo Square park, one of the most beautiful views in the world. Doing work I feel good about, with integrity. So no, not feeling the Newark thing in my bones. More of a buck up solider mentality. I am weird there. They make fun of me for eating salad and sitting with my legs crossed. Bringin my own coffee cup n shit. Reusing my plastic fork. They notice everything. Call me "crazysanfrancisco". They are tight Newark girls waiting for something to nab the white girl about. They have no idea who they are dealing with. Although I think they are starting to get it. One of them had pictures of a painted naked critical mass party, which is for us SFins just another friday in the city. The thing you could literally walk by and go "oh, neat" and keep on walking. For them the pictures were like someone had parted the Harlem River. Hrrmph.

My point:
as D and G say:
you make plans, and God laughs.