San Francisco

The ladies
my loves who picked me up from the airport with tiaras and huge smiles, even late night, waiting for me with Chinese food , loves my girls

a preview....

more pictures to come, I swear!



The weekend in SF was amazing, so great to see everyone and take S to all my old haunts, very fun! Baker Beach, Presidio, Palace of Fine Arts, North Beach, we left no stone unturned. Even made it to the East Bay for lunch and browsing with J and Rachel (hope you are recovering well my dear, thinking of you!)

London and Neil's wedding was amazing! Was at the Women's Center in Sausalito, just gorgeous, everything was so beautiful. London was smiling so hard it felt like she was going to break out of her body! Got to spend some time dancing, enjoying the music and wine and just warm feeling of the space. So happy for them! Hope they are relaxing, big weddings look like a lot of work~
in the end though everything was perfect and I know they are happy. Look at that back piece! She is one fierce hot bride...

Met Marina, Lenira and Sebastians new babe, what a love! And of course spent time with Dahlia and Gal and Dav who I just worship to pieces...


All in all just a great weekend, too quick but I did get to visit with my very favorite people in the world. Stayed at Dav and Mie and Teslas home with their incredible kitties (thanks m~*) and even though we didn't get to "see" them I feel very close to them being in their space and seeing how "the family" lives- what a great life!

more pics soon I swear, no time, off on another adventure!

In the City

Can I just brag here for a minute about my man?

This would be him onstage the new HighLand Ballroom in NYC, playing with The Cursed, which is a bunch of guys from different bands including Bobby Blitz from OVERKILL, a very big thrash metal band for those not in the know... Bobby is so so nice, very aware and alive, he and his wife own chocolate shops on the side which is so interesting to me. Metal and Chocolate. I digress...

So yes here he is with his sax, I love that he combines this with metal, just as he did with one of his other bands Dog Eat Dog (more hip hop rap I guess) who still tour. He was with them for a buncha years and saw the world touring and playing his horn. He is gooooood, and damn sexy might I add !

So also there was Joey Belladonna from Anthrax opening for them, and lemme tell ya, he looks the same! It's like they pickled him!

One of my favorite parts was the picture with the three hair guys headbanging to what I believe was an old Overkill song (I could be wrong.. how would I know?) but its as if this moment was made for them, and their hair. You will note the two balding guys behind them giggling about the hair bear scene behind them, very very enjoyable indeed. Quite the treat.

Long day , but great day!

In the Country

Had a beautiful Sunday

Up and down the East Coast



First, a visit a couple of hours down south to see my Mom for her Birthday with Presley , it was his birthday as well! Can you see the big smile on his face in the picture below? Its because his Grandma spoils him and he is in the Country!



So my Mom is wayyyy into horses and recently she fell in love with the one above, his name is Eat Your Heart Out! So he is a one year old and she "invested" in him to be a race horse, and now visits him almost every day, her new love affair! I absolutely adore the way she is passionate about horses, the way they are raised, the jockey's that ride them, their lineage. So it was only appropriate that I ride down (with her other love Pres) for her birthday and have some fun outside with her boys!



Happy Birthday Mom!

Oldest Daughter

Yolanda King, the oldest daughter of Martin Luther and Coretta Scott King died this week. She was young, 51. Died on her brothers door step, just like that. Heart Failure or something unexplainable like that. Death is always hardest for those left behind, "reports" say that the family is devastated.

I had the privilege of seeing her speak to an intimate crowd this summer at the Women's Empowerment Conference this summer at Omega. I was *star struck*, feeling as if that was the closest I would ever get to MLK and his wonderful wife Coretta. I just remember looking at her perform (she put on a part of her play) in all of her power, wondering what it must have been like to live with her parents. Knowing as one older daughter to another, what an incredible weight that must have been to have to represent such a family. What a responsibility to live up to!

I haven't known how to speak about this. I have just been feeling "heavy" about it all. Then I just read a blog I really enjoy about it:(http://acommonplacejbl.blogspot.com/ ( a dear friend of Gal's) and it made me think a lot about what it must have been like for her. In his entry he said what I felt, (especially after a very uncomfortable weekend with my father just recently)

from his entry:

I’ve thought often about the King children as well as the children of Malcolm X and Betty Shabbaz, wondered what is it like to grow up without a father, and yet have your life dominated by that father? Do you ever have the opportunity to find out who you are separate from that father? Do you even know that you may have an identity separate from that father whose shadow falls across you like a net of fine mesh? Do you know that you do not have a duty to perpetuate the life of your martyred father? Or is the expectation that your life will exemplify the work and ideals of the father so overwhelming that you never have the opportunity to even imagine that you might have a separate identity? Although my father was not even remotely as famous as the Kings, Malcolm X, and Betty Shabazz, he was a prominent minister in the communities where I grew up, and there was certainly the expectation by him and those communities that I would follow in his footsteps as he had followed in those of his minister father. I almost became a minister, but that urge, that need, that compulsion to write was stronger even than filial duty and my father’s enormous personality. But when I left my parents’ home in 1961, I did so when they were away. Only once did my father allude to how deeply he and my mother had been hurt to come home and find a note on the dining room table: “I have gone to New York.” I had to steal myself in order to become myself.

" I had to steal myself in order to become myself"

So powerful to me I felt like I had just become punched in the gut.

That is exactly what I needed to do as well. Steal myself. Sharing a similar experience, my father is very very very very " Christian" . For the most part , 99percent of the time I really admire his beliefs and the way he walks in the world. Every once in a while though, my father and step mother take a spin on the crazy wheel, and this weekend was one of them. Having just seen my sister off to Colorado I kept saying in my head "run run run, go find yourself away from them the way I did". Sometimes they are so right on it's silly. And sometimes they represent the very ideals I have laid down my life to undue. Myopic ideals such as as anti abortionists who believe in war, (why is one life treated differently than another?)! I really am beyond trying to change his mind. I admire him and respect him for the man he has become, but really this "passionate" discussion about 9/11 and other lovely topics was enough to give me a head check... I did not feel respected in my own belief systems, and it widened the margin a lot on how different we really are.

And here I am full circle, here on the east coast, back at the dinner table with my father, by choice!?! Hrmmph. Unt uh, come again...

Jerry Falwell died this week as well, interesting that two people on very different spectrums on our life wheel chose to leave this week. HMMMMM.

So yea, I thought about Yolanda a lot. What would her father have said about her "acting". Would that have been enough for him? Would they have seen things differently, her being creative, and he, being such an icon? How would that have turned out if he hadn't been stolen from us so soon?

And for the record, I am currently "stealing" myself back...

Rocky Mountain High

Scenes from last weekend and
Sue's last dinner out
before her big trip to Colorado


be safe little one

Swoooosh Swoooosh Swoooosh

Guess it's time for an update

Warning:

very long blog post

It's amazing how fast life can come together
when you step out of the way and let it

The past few weeks have been firecrackers
things changing and moving into place
before our very eyes

The long and the short of it
is that I am very thankful
for my faith and insight
that things work out
the way they need to

See after learning I wasn't moving to Ithaca
all bets were off
Newark didn't taste so good after that
before that I was ok
I was ok with Newark
I was a solider
I was doing what I needed to do

it was only temporary
but it was as if I had tasted my sweetest meal
and then got stuck with Farina

Leave stage left:

Sister Susanne
off to California at my urging

bring Mike and Mom
go see the world, and see what is waiting
for you

Enter Scott stage right
this new amazing being in my life
who fits like my best pair of gloves

the jam to my jelly

who sees me gets me gots me good

letting the layers of this sink in

when i think of him,

swoon swoon swoon

Sue comes back
wants to move to Colorado
AT THE VERY SAME TIME
I make this sleepy dreamy comment to Scott
Lets go to OMEGA
next day ok
lets go
its on

Sue is gonna go check out Colorado

Telluride looks good
gonna go see her wide open spaces
How do I do Jersey without her?
dunno yet
gonna put her on a plane on Friday morning
and as much as I want to be here with her

finally

now that we are both here
I know she is me
and needs to roam and see and be
beyond what is here which is not here
I will miss her
I moved here , I thought, to be near her
I know others don't want to hear that
but its true
my provincial dream
to raise babies on the beach with my sister
I really don't ask too much now do I?
we'll see we'll see

are u keeping up?

And then theres my brother Mike

who tried and tried and tried

bless his heart

to love someone

that needed to love herself more

so yes, my brother is living with us now

all three of us under the same roof

hasn't been that way since ....hmmm...

Maybe I was sixteen? crazy....

its good it's fun it's busy

Presley is here full time too which rocks my world also

and his new best friend Scott

will have to replace his two mamas being gone now...

So yes, back to the Shamalamadingdong

(omega for those not in the know)

won't be there till later in the summer

but I am so so so ready

for trees and green and people living

activated inspired healthy beings

beyond the fast food chains and tolls and

waste of the nj parkway

beyond who was on american idol

and the death toll of a wasted generation

not worrying about

if the bridesmaids dressess match the flowers

engaging in

things I care about

doing things that matter

to me

And I am so excited

to bring my love with me

and see how he grows and ripens and shares himself

and all that he has to teach as well

I learn something from him, every day

to enjoy and be and sleep cozy in the trees

to witness the fireflies and deer and things that grow wild...

So there it is

at least, for now

which is really the only thing we have,

really~*

The Miracle

"We live on the edge of the miraculous every minute of our lives. The miracle is in us, and it blossoms forth the moment we lay ourselves open to it. The miracle of miracles is the stubbornness with which men refuse to open themselves up. Our whole life seems to be nothing more but a frantic effort to evade that which is constantly in our grasp."

~Henry Miller

Beautiful Days

This weekend S and I had the ultimate pleasure
to attend a joint discussion with both of our favorite authors
Marianne Williamson and
Wayne Dyer

Below is a glimse of why they are such great beings
It feels amazing to have men and women walk in broad steps
and model the change you are and want to be

and if you haven't already
check out Mariannes Peace Alliance
http://www.thepeacealliance.org/content/view/181/147/
created to design the very first U.S. department of Peace!




Dear God,
May every aspect of my being be converted to Truth.
May every cell fall into placeand serve a higher plan.
I no longer wish to be who I was.
I wish to be more.
Amen
Marianne Williamson
From Illuminated Prayers



“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.” Marianne Williamson


"It makes no sense to worry about things you have no control over because there's nothing you can do about them, and why worry about things you do control? The activity of worrying keeps you immobilized." Wayne Dyer

"A non-doer is very often a critic-that is, someone who sits back and watches doers, and then waxes philosophically about how the doers are doing. It's easy to be a critic, but being a doer requires effort, risk, and change."Wayne Dyer

May Day

Love May First

International Workers Day!

Belatane!

May Pole's !

Lots and lots and lots of sexiness

Whats not to love?

Here is a well written article about one of my favorite Sabbats, and it includes references to one of my favorite books The Mists of Avalon by Marion Zimmer Bradley. Enjoy!

Oh yea, and it's the Full Moon! Haaazah!

Beltane is an old Celtic Fire Ritual which celebrates, at the most fundamental level, the end of winter and the beginning of the warmer, lighter half of the year. It is the counterpart to Samhain, which marks the Pagan New Year and celebrates ancestors and the death of the crops (harvest). Beltane celebrates life. For the Celts, it was a festival that insured fertility and growth.
Beltane is one of the four major Sabbats in the Celtic tradition, the other three being Lammas, Samhain and Imbolc. Beltane's traditional date, May 1st, was chosen as the midway point between the vernal equinox and summer solstice (two of the four minor Sabbats). Due to the change in the earth's axis of rotation over time, this point is now closer to May 5th, and some pagans observe May 5th as "Old Beltane," but the traditional date is still favored.
Beltane, much like Samhain, has changed over the years. Some traditions existed only in a single village, while others were found throughout the culture. It is believed that Beltane is a Celtic reinvention of an even older Roman festival, Floralia, which celebrated the goddess Flora and the flowering of spring. Most major religions have a holiday that marks the coming of spring. The Christian religion celebrates rebirth (or resurrection) on Easter; Easter eggs, Easter bunnies, chicks, and lilies are all pagan symbols of fertility associated with spring, adapted to the Christian tradition. The Hindu religion celebrates Holi, a carnival-like spring festival, dedicated to Krishna or Kama, the God of Pleasure. This festival resembles Beltane, with bonfires being a main focus of the holiday.
A maiden gathers woodfor the Beltane fire.
Traditionally, Beltane festivities began days before May 1st or "May Day," when villagers traveled into the woods to gather the nine sacred woods needed to build the Beltane bonfires. The tradition of "May Boughing" or "May Birching" involved young men fastening garlands of greens and flowers on the windows and doors of their prospective ladyloves before the fires are lit Beltane night. As with many Celtic customs, the type of flowers or branches used carried symbolic meaning, and much negotiating and courting could be worked out ahead of time.
Many communities elected a virgin as their "May Queen" to lead marches or songs. To the Celts, she represented the virgin goddess on the eve of her transition from Maiden to Mother. Depending on the time and place, the consort might be named "Jack-in-the-Green" or "Green Man," "May Groom" or "May King." The union of the Queen and her consort symbolized the fertility and rebirth of the world.
The tradition of choosing a symbolic goddess and god as official participants in the Beltane ritual captured Marion Zimmer Bradley's imagination in her novel The Mists of Avalon. In Bradley's retelling of the King Arthur legend, the Beltane celebration is a sacred ritual involving a high-ranking male and female virgin to represent the God and Goddess. The god in this case is called the "King Stag"; he must run through the woods with a pack of deer, followed by his own huntsmen, and only after he has successfully locked antlers with and killed a stag that he can return to the festival and claim his right as consort to the Goddess. Other couples also celebrate in this way, but it is only these two who become the God and Goddess incarnate.
Because the Celtic day started and ended at sundown, the Beltane celebration would begin at sundown on April 30th. After extinguishing all hearth fires in the village, two Beltane fires were lit on hilltops. The villagers would drive their livestock between the fires three times, to cleanse them and insure their fertility in the coming summer, and then put them to summer pasture. Then the human part of the fertility ritual would begin.
As dancing around the bonfires continued through the night, customary standards of social behavior were relaxed. It was expected that young couples would sneak off into a ditch, the woods or, better yet, a recently plowed field for a little testing of the fertility waters. Even after hand-fasting was replaced by the Christian tradition of monogamous marriage, the Beltane ritual continued with a new tradition: all marriage vows were temporarily suspended for the festival of Beltane. Many a priest would lament the number of virgins despoiled on this one night, but the tradition persevered. Babies born from a Beltane union were thought to be blessed by the Goddess herself.
Another use of the Beltane fires was for a purification ritual using a scapegoat or Fool. Special cakes made out of egg, milk and oatmeal, called bannocks, were passed around in a bonnet. One piece of bannock was charred, and whoever chose this piece was the Fool for that year's Beltane; it was believed that any misfortune would fall on the Fool, sparing the rest of the people. It is now generally believed to be a myth that the Fool was ever burned as a human sacrifice; this seems to have stemmed from Christian priests and their attempts to condemn Beltane festivities. Later customs called for the Fool to leap three times through the Beltane fire, and according to earlier customs the Fool was banned from all Beltane activity.
Beltane, like Samhain, is a time when the veil between the worlds is thought to be thin, a time when magic is possible. Whereas Samhain revelers must look out for wandering souls of the dead, Beltane merrymakers must watch for Fairies. Beltane is the night when the queen of the fairies will ride out on her white steed to entice humans away to Faeryland. If you hear the bells of the Fairy Queen's horse, you are advised to look away, so she will pass you by; look at the Queen and your sense alone will not hold you back! Bannocks were also sometimes left for the Fairies, in hopes of winning their favor on this night.
The maypole, which was either a permanent feature or cut in a ceremony during the gathering of the nine sacred woods, was a symbolic union of the God and Goddess. The maypole itself represented the male, a phallus thrust into mother earth, while the ribbons that were wound around it represent the enveloping nature of the woman and her womb. The maypole was usually danced after sunrise, when disheveled men and women would stagger back into town carrying flowers they picked in the forests or fields. The area around the maypole was decorated with the flowers, and then the winding of the ribbons would begin. Sometimes the flowers were put into baskets and left on the doorsteps of people who were too ill or old to attend the Beltane celebrations. In this way, the entire town could participate in the joys of the coming spring.