ZEN and the Tax Man

Never thought you'd see those words together.
This was pretty much my day.....

We had our work retreat today Zen Center, (City Center site, but in no way does it feel like a city from inside) If you have never been there, head over NOW! They have tons of amazing programs, meditation, gardens, airy rooms, and really good vege food.
(http://www.sfzc.org/ccindex.htm)
I mean it, truly such a place of peace right down the block from me.

Our Clinical Supervisors put a lot of thought into our retreat, we have undergone a lot of changes as an agency and they are feeling completely postive and "Upward" about where we are headed. We were working on our Vision for our agency (Westside for those who aren't in the know.... Mental Health services for youth and families in need of services on many levels, we work very diverse populations with no insurance or medi-cal with Major needs...you get the drift...)

Our values as a team/clinicians:
Family Strengths, Empathy, Respect for Difference ,Hard Work ,Self Care ,Acceptance and my favorite: Balance

So anyway, I don't talk about my work much with you all, and wanted to share some points with you, and write them down for myself so I remember:

*Look at the ways that you give, it is usually what you want to get
*Cultivate Compassion
*What is your Oxygen? Meaning, what do you get healed from?
*Vicarious Tramatization (usually why I don't talk about my work much... sometimes you just re-live others trauma when you hold it, then retell it, not very productive... for you or me)
*Learned Helplessness- I love that, that saying, you know what I mean...

At one point, me, being the big mouthed "shit stirrer" that I am, brought up that even though we had all been THROUGH HELL with our last Supervisor and lived in a CULTURE OF FEAR (not myself or my main co-worker, we scared the shit outta her really) NO ONE had talked about it as a group, ever. I just didn't understand how we could move on, be "visionaries" for our program (~our clients~ our community~) and not do our own work as a team. SO I TOTALLY CALLED BULLSHIT ON THAT. Everyone was relieved that it was out in the room, for it to be said and acknowledged, (which again is usually my role..) yet understandably freaked out, and then we went to lunch. Lovely. Pass the lentils please.

I, true to form, started second guessing my big mouth. My new Supervisor pretended she didn't know or believe that this stuff had happened last year, which really lit my fire. I firmly (yet gently) put her in her place and told her she wasn't being very theraputic or helpful because it served her to be in denial with her blond Upward mentality. Reminded her she didn't have to fix it, just listen, and stop invalidating peoples experiences, especially those who were clearly having some PTSD. My other Supervisor chimed in that she was relieved that I don't her "fear and anxiety" and she was really thankful. She even was able to verbalize that she was so traumatized that she couldn't even bring it up. Phew.

After our afternoon of pointers on Self Care ,(more mental masterbation if you ask me) we had a good talk about all of it. It was a good lesson in second guessing myself.
I just know that I see things I cannot ignore, and for those that are willing to skim over the surface for what ever their reasons, I need to find this compassion we so freely talk about.

I am really proud though that this is my role there, and I do not have fear in speaking the unspoken in a clear and thoughtful way. I think this is what makes me so good in my work as well, being able to advocate for those who cannot or do not have a voice, for a multitude of reasons.

Also, being at the Zen Center was amazing, I got a lot of clarity not only on work but on personal stuff, including being really excited for The Omega Institute this summer. If one day away from the office and my clients and my home could leave me feeling this clear and strong, bring on the summer!

Oh yea, then I did my taxes (fuck you Arnold and George W. and your fucking blood money you bastards...) (sorry for the swears but that felt really fucking good)
The guy and HnR Block made it very pleasant, all very Zen like, for an accountant. Made me re-think this work a bit, maybe numbers are the way to go. (Wish my brain would agree with that sentiment...) Uncomplicated, non-emotional, rational. Sometimes I yearn for work that is clear cut and has an answer, a result, an ending. This people stuff can be really complicated!
Cheers!