More than anything else...

"More than anything else, I want myself to live in integrity and truth. I am not going to hide who I am, or mask my imperfections. No bargains, no hiding myself, no avoiding reality, no lies. The more we commit to knowing and loving ourselves, the more we are able to surrender to another person because we have nothing to hide or be ashamed of." From: If The Buddah Dated

I handed in my official letter of resignation today. I love my job. I do. It's just not what I am supposed to be doing right now. I am giving myself space for what it is that I am to be doing.

This is my dear co-worker Jennifer and my mentor & teacher Angie, an incredibly talented Child Psychiatrist, who used to be our Agency Medical Director. She just gets it. I learned more from her in a week than I did in two years of grad school at UC Berkeley. Every month or so we go to Edinburgh Castle for beers and fish and chips. We sit in deep dark booths and drink and eat greasy food and talk about things only we understand. And we laugh, cry, and try to avoid the trivia geeks on mopeds.
This is us tonight, me drinking off my hangover from yesterday. Life is tough : )

My dear friend TT tonight wrote about how she is admiring how I am giving up a lot of my life here. Incredible community where I am needed. A stable secure job/paycheck. A home. I wonder sometimes about this, and is it ever enough? Then I remember that I know there is more for me. I am happy with what I have done, what I have accomplished. And I am ready for how I am to be used in my next phase, what ever that brings.....

"A warrior accepts that we can never know what will happen to us next. We can try to control the uncontrollable by looking for security and unpredictability, always hoping to be comfortable and safe. But the truth is that we can never avoid unpredictability. Not knowing is the adventure." Pema Chodron, who will be at the Omega Institute this summer, how frikin excited am I?