Swimming as a Meditation

I have swam every day since I have been here
up and down up and down breathe stroke breathe stroke
I always dive in I have to dive
I think the way someone gets in the water says a lot about someone

My sister, bless her heart for example
Creeps in toe by toe
Letting the water shock her and it feels even colder
Because she won't dunk all the way in
Stays in that dangerzone right under your breast bone
that makes you feel all chilly
I used to do that
Tortured my self
Stay safe even though I knew getting all the way wet
Would make me feel warmer
Now I know I have to dive in

What am I getting at? Another silly metaphor?
I was laying by the pool last night all by myself
My parents had gone out to dinner with friends and I was finallyAlone
So some might assume that I am over here "playing"
Swimming visiting carousing with my family
But what I really articulated to myself last night
Laying on a chair in with the rain drizzling on my face
Is that I am really quick to distract myself
With others issues problems adventures
I really get off on other people places and things
The hardest thing for me to do sometimes is to remove all of those things
And listen to what the hell is going on with myself
Cause for me right now that's where the real work needs to get done
And believe me, this is the hardest work
And I have sacrificed A LOT to be still

The understanding is coming rapidly like the thunder showers I live for here
This week alone big blocks with my father have been unearthed
Same with my sister last week
My role in this family which inherently defines who I am in other places
I didn't really expect this because I thought it was so well defined before
But alas as always the work is always being done
And the rewards are already a blessing

Off to hear my older step sister Celeste sing at an event
Then to Rhinebeck tomorrow
I don't know what computer service is going to be there yet
But I will be in touch
Soon
I hope you all are well