April Showers Bring May Flowers

Hello May!

Second Sunday

This is my Second Sunday Spent in our gorgeous Golden Gate Park. I especially fancy Stow Lake, you can walk around for hours forgetting that you are in the City. This is my refuge right now, and I get some really good excercize to boot (or should I say for my booty ; ) ). It also reminds me of where I am going, a lake and lots of trees. Different trees, but it is reminiscint of the Hudson Valley region of New York.

So Dig If You Will The Picture:
Having a lovely stroll around the lake, smiling, sunny gorgeous day, getting my groove on, ready to head outta the lake area, bam smack splat. There is MM. Which one you ask? The MM of the "drunken email/blogpost" confessing my deepest drunken desires. With his new girlfriend. That's me all sweaty. Oh yea. It went well I think, as we actually haven't spoken after that email from him. Happy for them, and since that email "exorcised" my feelings (really incredible tactic, I highly recommend it) I am really happy for them. Even if she is a blond.... te he he. Ok but the worst part: during this conversation, my IPOD died. Just up and Died. I didn't even turn it off or anything, just took my headphones off. What does this mean? I think it means that my IPOD just died... hmmmm, bummer.

New Moon in Taurus

OMG how I have been needing this new moon
This is how I mark time

I go by cycles
The moon is my first marker that I turn to
Rough week
Ready to turn this ship around!

Intentions:
Faith
Productivity
Knowledge that I am on my path
Leaving well
Not getting stuck in sentimentality
Feeling OK if people don't want to say goodbye
Giving my clients what they need to transition
Giving myself permission that this is ok
Getting lotsa money for my junk
Music Music Music to calm my nerves
Taking care of my body
Lotsa energy to move my shit
Taking down time and not spending every minute
with everyone and being ok with that
Being able to ask for help/what I need
Being able to do things for myself with confidence
Being good to my incredible friends who love me so so dearly
and letting them know how much I love them on an hourly basis

BTW this is my altar....fuzzy as it seems in my picture, it's my grounding post

Riding it out

Noticing how I only want to write and put it here
if it's good or useful or sentimental
I have to put this down here
and it's painful
I am having a really hard week
As of a half hour ago I wanted to start smoking again
Started looking for apartments on Craigs list in San Francisco
Is it too late to change my mind?
Doubt has crept in again
Facing some bullshit with my family, the type that creates fear and makes me doubt
Basically I asked for help from them and of course it turns into this huge thing
And I wonder why I don't ever ask for anything
Duh
I really am super self sufficient
This was more emotionally symbolic
Makes me wonder why I need to go back at all
When I have such a supportive incredible family here
One that I have chosen and has chosen me and fulfills me to no end
One that just gets me, no explanations
Am I just being sentimental? Craving change? Would I get the same amount of satisfaction from just moving out of my apartment? Why do I need to move to the other side of the country to do this work?
Is it too late to change my mind? Or do I just do Omega anyway
I know this is what I have to do
But right now I don't want to
I haven't been productive at all the past two weeks
On a stand still
Stuck....Paralyzed Actually
Had to say good bye to some of my clients this week
very difficult
One was in the hospital, after being raped
This has become a typical day for me
Are you kidding me?
This is very emotional
I am very vulnerable
Wanting to hide out
My back is spazzing out
People around me are having a very hard time as well
And then I let him back in
Because he is amazing
But I have to look at my patterns
He is right
And now I have to ride it out....

Joel

Oh Joel
Joel was my first San Francisco boyfriend, ten years ago
We couldn't keep away from each other
He had to move to Alaska so we could finally break up
We were too young and just meant to be best friends
He has seen me through all of my San Francisco phases
Now he is truly one of my closest friends
And one of the people I can say really really knows me
We got into a lot of good fun together
Too much fun sometimes
Met him around a campfire on Ocean Beach
He was friends with my roommates, one of the "bicycle messengers"
Which during that time in SF was one of the sexiest jobs to have
We haven't left each other since

Spent a beautiful sunny Sunday afternoon together
Celebrating our new paths
He who JUST GOT MARRIED HOORAH to a fantastic lady named Sarah
She and I get along way too well seriously
It's so so mutual admiration society
And I soon to be departed
Walked today for miles and miles and miles
Discovering Golden Gate Park
Took a ride around Stow Lake
Talking about everything for hours and hours and hours
I feel so so blessed for his friendship

Island Dreaming

I love my friends
So creative and fun are they
Went to dinner with Elaine and Rachel, had lotsa lotsa margarita's
Rachel was cute not to fall off her stool (hicccup...)
Then off to Brimeeza's SAlON April Edition
These two are a hot and steamy couple
And in honor of all the rain, they scheduled a hot and steamy one
Complete with Island Music, Food, and Heat!
Topic: If you were on an island and could only bring three things
What would they be?
Shelter, fire, and basic necessities are all provided.

My favorite answers

~Tameeza (who is already gorgeous and incredible) who would one week a month turn into a shape shifter, shifting into other hot gorgeous women. This was Brians answer. No wonder why he is so frikin blessed, look at how he manifests!
~A ship, a big ship, with everything you needed on it, including music, a chef, and a zoo for Kerry to be able to fulfill her Snow White fantasies!
~Chocolate and a subscription to a book club and a vibrator with lotsa batteries (hicccup...)
~My community
~God or some other really smart person
~An airplane and a hot man who can fly the airplane
~My partner and our couple's counselor
~An infinite supply of party favors...

Anyway you get the picture. My answers: absolute contentment so I shall not want for anything, my soul partner, and a guitar, so I can finally have the time to learn the darn thing! What would you bring????

The Temple Burns Still....

Dear Antoinette,
Here is your horoscope
for Saturday, April 22:

A pal may be leaving your life, but it's not necessarily the worst thing that could happen at this time. After all, why drag something out if it's not working for either of you? Be gracious and grown-up about it.


I know, I know~

More than anything else...

"More than anything else, I want myself to live in integrity and truth. I am not going to hide who I am, or mask my imperfections. No bargains, no hiding myself, no avoiding reality, no lies. The more we commit to knowing and loving ourselves, the more we are able to surrender to another person because we have nothing to hide or be ashamed of." From: If The Buddah Dated

I handed in my official letter of resignation today. I love my job. I do. It's just not what I am supposed to be doing right now. I am giving myself space for what it is that I am to be doing.

This is my dear co-worker Jennifer and my mentor & teacher Angie, an incredibly talented Child Psychiatrist, who used to be our Agency Medical Director. She just gets it. I learned more from her in a week than I did in two years of grad school at UC Berkeley. Every month or so we go to Edinburgh Castle for beers and fish and chips. We sit in deep dark booths and drink and eat greasy food and talk about things only we understand. And we laugh, cry, and try to avoid the trivia geeks on mopeds.
This is us tonight, me drinking off my hangover from yesterday. Life is tough : )

My dear friend TT tonight wrote about how she is admiring how I am giving up a lot of my life here. Incredible community where I am needed. A stable secure job/paycheck. A home. I wonder sometimes about this, and is it ever enough? Then I remember that I know there is more for me. I am happy with what I have done, what I have accomplished. And I am ready for how I am to be used in my next phase, what ever that brings.....

"A warrior accepts that we can never know what will happen to us next. We can try to control the uncontrollable by looking for security and unpredictability, always hoping to be comfortable and safe. But the truth is that we can never avoid unpredictability. Not knowing is the adventure." Pema Chodron, who will be at the Omega Institute this summer, how frikin excited am I?

Hot Damn!

Had the most beautiful of days
I played hookie yesterday, and met up with a dear old friend
Eshana~ had a gorgeous lunch and took in some sun (thank you sun)
We worked together a bizillion years ago as Case Managers in
A Support Services Hotel for "Dually Diagnosed Homeless Adults"
My best teachers they were
For years we learned and grew and supported our clients, and
each other, kept each other laughing, became and created community together
She is off to her South African home later in the month with her beautiful 'lil girl Mitana, who is just a creature to behold. What a young spitfire she is! Look out world! It was wonderful to see you again Eshana!

Then off to be produced by one miss sarah h to dinner at a wonderful vege restaurant with the best fake chicken in the world. I know it's hard to believe but it is so good. Golden Era on O'Farrell, check it out. Jess, KC, NOI, and Julia and a few others were there to for a pre dinner before the Johnette Napolitano show, and she is one hot momma lemme tell you. Phew. She is the Lead voice/writer/bass/guitars/keys/drums of L.A. bands Concrete Blonde and Pretty & Twisted and just so soulful, real, and super sexy. She sang "Joey" and I almost lost it.Went right through me. http://www.johnettenapolitano.com. I highly recommend you check her shit out. Our producer Sarah is hosting her at her house and coordinated the event, spent some time afterwards with her and she is the real frikin deal lemme tell you. Lots of trendsters and old school rocker chicks hanging out, interesting scene. I love Du Nord.

We hung out till late with them having the most randomish of interactions with lost souls who just have RAYDAR for Jessica and I. Stangers have this tendency to share their lives with us, and hours later, go "omg I just revealed my most private thoughts to you two.... what are you... witches????" No , just a mild mannered therapist and documentary film maker, with some major mojo. Did some couples counseling a few whiskey's later we did.

In the words of my dear Thailand travelmate Minty (yes that is her real name thank you)
itshotitsdamnhot!!!!

I feel the earth, move, under my feet.....

San Francisco City Hall after the 1906 Earthquake


City Hall is right down the street from me. It's wild to think about, that at any moment this could happen again. We here know how beautiful and vulnerable we are. Is this part of the love we have for our city? I don't know about you but between the floods and storms and tsunami's in other parts of the world, I've been feeling pretty darn compfy here. I am ready for all this commemorative earthquake talk to be over. I am all about honoring our past, but at the same time, I am very aware that our words, our collective energy towards something, has power.

San Franciso marks earthquake anniversary

Thousands of San Franciscans have turned out to mark the 100th anniversary of a 7.9 magnitude earthquake that devastated their city.

An estimated 3,000 people died in the minute-long quake, which sparked three days of fires that devoured 500 city blocks and left half of the city's 400,000 residents homeless.

Most of the survivors were infants when the quake hit, but still have tales to tell.

"I remember a cow running up the hill with its tail straight in the air," survivor Violet Lyman said.

Another woman, 99-years-old, said says she considers herself "a product of the ear
thquake" because she was conceived and born in one of the many tents erected for survivors in Golden Gate Park.

Mayor Gavin Newsom says San Francisco is an example to places devastated by disaster, such as New Orleans in the aftermath of Hurricane Katrina last year.

"Who would have imagined that just a few days after that people would literally dust off and step up and seek to resolve to rebuild their home in the miraculous way that we see it here today," Mr Newsom said.

Sirens were sounded and bars were open at dawn to enhance the anniversary commemorations.

Residents awoke to find a copy of the morning-after 1906 edition of The Call-Chronicle- Examiner newspaper on their doorsteps, with the headline "Earthquake and Fire: San Francisco in Ruins".
City vulnerable

But for all the celebrations of survival, the anniversary also has served as a reminder of how vulnerable the Bay Area is to the movements in the seven faults in its environs.

Seismic experts believe the Bay Area has a 60 per cent chance of a major earthquake in the next 25 years.

An earthquake today on the San Andreas fault of the magnitude of the 1906 disaster could kill thousands and cause $US150 billion in damage.
Rueters

Look who I met!

Isn't she just incredible! Welcome to the world lil' lady!

View From Above

April 15th
Horoscope:
Encourage your spirit to grow. Assume that you have everything you already need, and see what possibilities that opens up for you, mentally, physically and spiritually. This type of belief in yourself will carry you toward victory.

That is absolutely how I lived this weekend.
Absolutely.
Had a huge amount of errands to run on Saturday, that my usual car, the 21 Hayes bus, couldn't really help me with. City Car Share to the rescue. This program is amazing people~ http://www.citycarshare.org/index.jsp, if you don't have a car, and you are in SF, it is an absolute must. What a great program. Anyhow, had huge boxes of books and clothes and stuff to deal with. Moving is a lot ya'll. Really. Sent my first box off to Pennsylvania which fell apart on the way into the post office. Trying not to be superstitious about that at all. But I did get a front row parking space. So that cancels it out, right? Tried to sell all my books. Sniff sniff that kills me. Hate giving up books. Aardvarks only gave me $8.00 for a few of them. So I turned that around into something special, and gave then to this guy in the bookstore obviously down on his luck. See, he had a big ole smile and he was wearing a special Santa hat. Gotta give it to him for spirit, and gave him the rest of my books to sell on the street. Hope he makes more than eight bucks.

Lenira my dear friend and I then shot down the coast to Half Moon Bay to have dinner at the Half Moon Bay Brewing Company there which was so great, right on the water with cozy fire places. Loved to catch up with her and had a very strong beer before going to this enchanted retreat center down the street for Kirtan. It was in this amazing dome/sanctuary with dragons and mermaids on the outside, just completely out of this world. It was nice to seek refuge on this holy holiday weekend with others worshipping, singing and chanting (which is the short version of what Kirtan is).

We left a bit early and decided we needed some music and fire. Firedrums to the rescue. We made it through the rain to my very special beach where every year they have amazing fire performers and drummers from all around the world at our very special spot in Santa Cruz. It was so lovely to be there again and see familiar faces and smell the ocean. It's been a while, as Chris introduced me to this magical place, and since our break, I haven't been back unfortunately. Chris was so warm and welcoming, it's been nice to connect with him again . We were really able to put some time in this week to honor our past time together, and he made our few hours there very wonderful. Dancing to the music and watching the drums was something I so so needed this weekend. I miss dancing and made an commitment to do this more regularly.

On the long ride home, Lenira and I who had had our usual run of amazing conversations earlier,were content to listen to classical and really cheezy love songs. I had some time out of the city, feeling very peaceful and content, and was thinking a lot about Easter and Passover and this holy weekend. I love the symbolism and the concept of re-birth,which are symbolized as eggs and the Easter Holiday in general. It's a lot more to me than Bunnies and fake plastic grass. I am really in a place where despite all the swooping changes I am creating, I am very present and grounded and calm and really feeling in a place of peace. I know that this is my choice, just as being frantic and crazy and loosing it is a choice. I am happy with my choices right now..

And these pictures, to round off my weekend, were taken from brunch today with my Aunt Carole and Uncle Tom, visiting from the OC. Went to the Hilton Cityscape for an incredibly decadent and indulgent brunch. Way to much champange ya'll. I felt like a cream puff afterwards to walked home through my beautiful city during the one hour of no-rain that we had. Can you see the rainbow in the picture? It's there, I promise!

full moon bambina

"Katia's friend just has a baby and when she went into labor we
lit a candle for her. She has now lot one for us. It is a new
tradition for me and I think that it is a fun way to keep love one's
birth present."

"Wanted to send out the happy news that baby iGirl was born this
morning at 9:24 a.m."

Al three are doing very well and are in bed resting.



welcome to the world little girl
thank you for coming safely on a sunny full moon day

UNRELENTING

It hasn't stopped
It just won't stop
It hasn't stopped raining, it feels like, since November?
Houses are sliding off the hills
Roads are becoming rivers
Rocks give way to waterfalls
Are we doing this? Our pollution? Our arrogance?
Is it a sign that this land does not want us anymore?
I feel horrible for the people who are loosing their homes, their business's
They are told to pack up their lives, take what they can
Then I think, were we supposed to live there to begin with?
Is it any coincidence that the most beautiful places are the most vulnerable?

I even bought a new umbrella for the occasion. The picture is awful, but it's all bright and sparklie. Something shiney in this season of grey. Keep your heads up!

Ps big fat lovin to TT, thanks for the soup and incredible company. Wuv U!

Kick that Jackass to the Curb!

I can't tell, is that Garbage or Recycling? Bloody Brilliant!

Off The Wall in The Fillmore

"How would your life be different if you learned how to love and respect your body as though it were your own precious creation, as vauable as a beloved friend or child? How would you treat yourself differently? " Christiane Northrup, M.D.



I quit my gym membership today. My last day will be May 10th.
Actually, I want to thank the SCHMUCK who wouldn't let me do it over the phone. Because of you, SCHMUCK, I very well might look decent in my bathing suit this summer. Spent yesterday and today there, doing my elliptical machine, stretching, and Pilates classes. I feel so incredible when I do more for my body.
And oooh, my core is feeling so so good! I love my gym, very diverse. Lil' ol Asian and Russian ladies in packs running around, mixed in with the jocko's, gay and straight and everything else, girl gym bunnies, and gym derelicts like me. Most of all I really love my walk to and from the gym. It's close to my house and work, which is why I pay through the ass to be there! See my styley new sneakers? This was their virgin voyage!

The Fillmore is one of, if not my Most Favorite neighborhood in the city. After some serious violence, it is hitting a revitalization. Or gentrification.It is too soon to be determined. Complete with new Jazz clubs, lofts, it's very own Starbucks. I had serious issues with this at first. Then I was talking with one of my clients mother's. I expressed this to her, and her feedback to me was, well, "why shouldn't Fillmo' have a Starbucks?". Something in the way she said it, I got it. But I still hate Starbucks.

Lastly, I need to thank Moss for lending me half of his CD collection last week. I finally have some new (old) music.Lots of Soul and Hip Hop. My favorite right now is Michael Jackson's "Off The Wall". I mean that is some seriously funky shit. Man I miss when Michael was black....
Oh and see the grey picture? That's from when I drew my name in wet concrete a few years back on Fillmore and Grove. I almost died on that corner in a truck accident,my first visit to SF. I also had two ex boyfriends on that corner, so I'd say I earned that cement square!

I *Heart* New York

Karina Jett Stephan Baby

hot steamy nights

the city

really wearing skirts

my mum's front porch and the rocking chair

martha's vineyard

my eastern family

sitting on the stoop on a hot night with a beer and a tank top

outdoor concerts

bagels and coffee

rhinebeck

crickets and grass and lots of other green stuff

mindy, sarah and noni and jed and christy and eric's kiddies

diving and swimming

tent city

driving a car again

yankee games

new england coast

thudden thunder storms and lightening

walking around with no shoes on

long island sound

riding a bike

diners with booths

brooklyn, queens, and harlem

kim!!!!!

My parents pool

being a vegetarian again, at least for the summer

sheets no comforter

the air electric

painting with my gma

sun sun sun on a lake with a raft

haunted houses

fireflies

Omega

The Atlantic Ocean

autumn autumn autumn

clarity

sunday dinner with the family

not living in a city

The Auntie the uncle and cousins and their incredible second homebase of mine

living history

Transformation

Was on the phone till four am last night
with my ex Chris
It was a really good conversation
We usually have these, but not so much lately
Taking space, healing, and I wonder how much "ex's" should be friends
So I have been wondering about his HUGE Transformation
From completely wounded, shattered, and destroyed per his report
To being very actualized, happy, and clear about mostly everything
He has even been setting boundaries with me
A first in our relationship as beings
Sooooo...
He has been puttering around telling me of this Transformation
And I, ever so curious about the human nature
Especially of one I have been very intimate with
Has been pushing the story
Turns out
He claims it has a lot to do with me
First, taking the time to "put my shit down" and give him time in a thoughtful and compassionate way as I did on one particularly dark day
Which he claims no one who has ever hurt him has done
The other part
is what he has learned

From reading this blog

say that again?

From reading this blog

I didn't even know he knew about it

Whooosh Splat Humina Humina say that again?

So turns out that what I thought were my intimate thoughts that I have chronicled as a journal in my own transformation and healing, he has had complete and total access to. Some of these thoughts were about him too. Also things not about him that I really didn't care to have him know, mostly because of the pain that it might have caused him. I have such mixed feelings about this. He tells me (sorry for outing you Chris, but this is my blawg, and I'm gonna use it!) that it was actually knowing these things that helped him. Not only did he learn about forgiveness here (from a ritual I wrote about early on) (he always nurtured and understood that part of me) but he also could see more that wordsthat I HAD MOVED ON. He got that reality through my writing. He received a lot of peace through this. A lot of clarity. Hmmmm.

First thoughts? How did he find it? Wasn't super clear about that. He went into a long explaination about his huge transformation, and ultimately is receiving everything now that I have ever wanted for him. A relief. Hallelujah! But I kept thinking... you read my blog? Why can't I get over that?

So, it had a hard but important impact on him. And in the end I walk away with this. This is what is important to me right now. If this blawg, my writing, my being, my thoughts, my pictures, my silliness, have any kinda impact on anyone, especially positive, then I have to be happy with that. I write for me. I write to document and explore this incredibly frightening and exuberant transformation I am embarking on at this juncture in my life. Do I care if you read it? Do I care if strangers from Canada read it? Do I care if my ex boyfriends read it? I guess I do. But I hope they get something from it, cause I sure as hell do, and I hope in the end, it is postitive. That is my hope. I am a very private person for the most part so it is kinda contrary to who I am to even put any of this out there, but isn't this why I started this? To challenge myself and to let others know me, as well as find my own voice in this discovery?

So yes Chris, you can still read this. Thank you for finally sharing with me what you knew. I am glad it helped. I don't know that I want you commenting and participating too much in it, but sure, if you continue to get something from it, have at it buddy. Mostly I am thankful for your transformation, my transformation. and also, our transformation. Isn't this why beings connect to begin with? For hopes that we learn and explore things from/with each other? I am glad that you can talk about that other lady, and glad that you know about my stuff too. I am glad that we are finally in a place where we are ok. I am thankful. It's a good start.

Things to do before I Go

Ok I love lists
I am a list * Queen *
I am a Virgo and an Enneagram #2 and an Older Sister
I think lists were created for this grouping of neurosis
So
Eight Weeks
I have Eight Weeks
I am growing and I have growing pains
You should see my long list of stuff I have to do
Here is a list of *Musts*
The fun version
Things to do before I go:


Happy Friday



Absolute Musts:

Walk across the Golden Gate Bridge
Have a sushi with lotsa hot sake
Make out with everyone, actually
(ever notice when you are leaving, everyone then decides to tell you how *hot* they think you are. also notice how even people who don't know, who sense you are *unavailable* wanna jump your bones, perfect strangers... yes?)(so this one should be easy, right? good!)
Go to Kabuki
Visit the seven places in the city I have lived, take pictures
Go to Baker Beach
Go to Golden Gate Park a lot (when it f**n stops raining)
Visit the De Young ;)
See Spearhead with my ladies
Spend as much time as I can with my treasured....

I am sure there are more, but this is a good start

Anyone wanna join or volunteer?

ZEN and the Tax Man

Never thought you'd see those words together.
This was pretty much my day.....

We had our work retreat today Zen Center, (City Center site, but in no way does it feel like a city from inside) If you have never been there, head over NOW! They have tons of amazing programs, meditation, gardens, airy rooms, and really good vege food.
(http://www.sfzc.org/ccindex.htm)
I mean it, truly such a place of peace right down the block from me.

Our Clinical Supervisors put a lot of thought into our retreat, we have undergone a lot of changes as an agency and they are feeling completely postive and "Upward" about where we are headed. We were working on our Vision for our agency (Westside for those who aren't in the know.... Mental Health services for youth and families in need of services on many levels, we work very diverse populations with no insurance or medi-cal with Major needs...you get the drift...)

Our values as a team/clinicians:
Family Strengths, Empathy, Respect for Difference ,Hard Work ,Self Care ,Acceptance and my favorite: Balance

So anyway, I don't talk about my work much with you all, and wanted to share some points with you, and write them down for myself so I remember:

*Look at the ways that you give, it is usually what you want to get
*Cultivate Compassion
*What is your Oxygen? Meaning, what do you get healed from?
*Vicarious Tramatization (usually why I don't talk about my work much... sometimes you just re-live others trauma when you hold it, then retell it, not very productive... for you or me)
*Learned Helplessness- I love that, that saying, you know what I mean...

At one point, me, being the big mouthed "shit stirrer" that I am, brought up that even though we had all been THROUGH HELL with our last Supervisor and lived in a CULTURE OF FEAR (not myself or my main co-worker, we scared the shit outta her really) NO ONE had talked about it as a group, ever. I just didn't understand how we could move on, be "visionaries" for our program (~our clients~ our community~) and not do our own work as a team. SO I TOTALLY CALLED BULLSHIT ON THAT. Everyone was relieved that it was out in the room, for it to be said and acknowledged, (which again is usually my role..) yet understandably freaked out, and then we went to lunch. Lovely. Pass the lentils please.

I, true to form, started second guessing my big mouth. My new Supervisor pretended she didn't know or believe that this stuff had happened last year, which really lit my fire. I firmly (yet gently) put her in her place and told her she wasn't being very theraputic or helpful because it served her to be in denial with her blond Upward mentality. Reminded her she didn't have to fix it, just listen, and stop invalidating peoples experiences, especially those who were clearly having some PTSD. My other Supervisor chimed in that she was relieved that I don't her "fear and anxiety" and she was really thankful. She even was able to verbalize that she was so traumatized that she couldn't even bring it up. Phew.

After our afternoon of pointers on Self Care ,(more mental masterbation if you ask me) we had a good talk about all of it. It was a good lesson in second guessing myself.
I just know that I see things I cannot ignore, and for those that are willing to skim over the surface for what ever their reasons, I need to find this compassion we so freely talk about.

I am really proud though that this is my role there, and I do not have fear in speaking the unspoken in a clear and thoughtful way. I think this is what makes me so good in my work as well, being able to advocate for those who cannot or do not have a voice, for a multitude of reasons.

Also, being at the Zen Center was amazing, I got a lot of clarity not only on work but on personal stuff, including being really excited for The Omega Institute this summer. If one day away from the office and my clients and my home could leave me feeling this clear and strong, bring on the summer!

Oh yea, then I did my taxes (fuck you Arnold and George W. and your fucking blood money you bastards...) (sorry for the swears but that felt really fucking good)
The guy and HnR Block made it very pleasant, all very Zen like, for an accountant. Made me re-think this work a bit, maybe numbers are the way to go. (Wish my brain would agree with that sentiment...) Uncomplicated, non-emotional, rational. Sometimes I yearn for work that is clear cut and has an answer, a result, an ending. This people stuff can be really complicated!
Cheers!

My Mossy Hide-a-ways

These are my loves
Moss and Sophia
I run away with them at least once a month
They are just right~around~the corner~
Have been for years
And for years we have had each other
(thank gawd!)
My Western Addition Familia
A place where we talk big ideas and drink stiff drinks
We have our own language and super*get*each*other
no explanations
lots of laughs, my stomach still frikin hurts
Moss is moving to NY as well, bless his heart
So glad to be in this journey with someone I adore
And Miss Sophia
oh miss sophia
how she gets me
Thrills me to pieces
thank you for tonight my darlings
sophia this is a blog
you need to write, ok?!?!?!

Also it's self portrait tuesday
this is me
in my office
at my desk
first thing this morning
wet Aveda smelling hair and all
don't you wish you could smell my sweet smellin hair!
Ok too many again cocktails Moss!

This is how you know me

Long ago

In a land far, far away
There was a haven in New England
A Liberal Arts Oasis if you will
Where humanities, arts, and human heritage ruled
And we "Dared To Be Different"
and different we were
underachieving genius's

And we were thick as thieves

poetry morrisey and lots and lots of acid

underground tunnels haunted mansions and tupelo pond
There was even a round table
Where the gossip
and the Captain Crunch flowed freely

This land was called Bradford College
I was blessed so hard at this school
Not only did I get three years of scholarships
(the last year I am still paying off thank you very much Sallie Friggin Mae)

but I had one of my First Chosen Families
Of this beautiful group grew Rob and Christa
Both incredibly brilliant sexy sparklie and bound for greatness

They have an incredible love story which is theirs to tell
And they continued their journey here to San Francisco

This is how you know me


Korey and I left Boston with a quickness
and hauled ass to the land of Fruit and Nuts
We never would have made it here if it weren't for them
Seriously folks...
They let us sleep in their living room FOR A MONTH!
We ate their food listened to their music watched their movies
And we are high drama us two lemme tell you

A MONTH PEOPLE MAYBE MORE

in a one bedroom apartment

and then hooked us up with our first apartment, roommate,
social life...they made it possible for us to land here safely
This is ten years ago
And I am eternally grateful to these dear dear souls
Even though we don't make the usual rounds together
This is still my family
And now they have made their own:

Welcome (or emoclew Rob!!!!)

His name is Connor Weymouth Sinclair

Born: March 28, 2006 at 4:40pm

Weight: 7lb 5.5.oz

Length: 21.25"

Isn't he so gorgeous???
And now they are the Sinclair family
I love you guys
Congratulations!!!
Auntie Christie